IG Attempts the News: No Purpose, No Direction, No Viewers

Last time on “What‘s an IGN?”
Whoa, video game news! Wait, most of these stories are extremely old! What the hell?

What will this week bring?

Stories from September 7th 2013

"IG NEO – Diablo 3 Console Multiplayer Review"

Link to his Diablo III review.
You can see the recap here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/09/diving-into-hell-to-face-diablo-iii.html

“Simpsons: Tapped Out App Game – Added New Characters!”

Didn’t he do this article already? I swear he did. Maybe it was other characters?

“I haven’t seen too many recent episodes of the Simpsons but they have also added a Robot Robby Character (possibly from the show?)” That’s “Robby the Automaton”, a remote control robot featured in the Season 9 episode “This Little Wiggy”. After Bart found his operator outside the window, he hit him with an apple and Robby started strangling Skinner while yelling “CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!” Sounds like EA is scraping the bottom of the barrel for characters if they’re resorting to one scene wonders.

Stories from September 9th 2013

“Nintendo Drops Retail Price of New Mario Bros. Wii, Mario Galaxy 2 to $29.99”

And Wii Sports Resort. Don’t forget that.
*reads article* Oh, he didn’t.
But hey, actual gaming news.

“Every Nintendo Grade A product seems to remain around the $40-$50.00 mark. Mighty kind of you to drop it now that most Wii owners already have it.” These games sell, that’s why they don’t drop the price outside of specific retailers having sales. Now that they’re shifting focus to the Wii U, they’re dropping the price on major products and allowing more people to access their games. Basic economics, which you constantly seem to fail.

“Rarest Pokemon Card Up For Auction On eBay for $100K”

Oh yay, another Pokemon article. Let’s see how he messes this one up.

“The last one of these cards sold for $20k and was the highest traded card. This auction will attempt to break that record, and it could since the seller already got a legitimate offer of $47,000 from some sucker… I mean Pokemon fan” … Fuck you. Whoever this person is, he makes more money than you, and is actually a fan of Pokemon. Unlike you who makes sarcastic comments claiming to be a fan when you’re about as much of a Pokemon fan as you are a gamer.

Other stories:
“Justice League D&D Role Playing Custom RPG Action Figures”
“Skylanders – Pumpkin Eye Brawl Coming to you This Halloween”

Stories from September 10th 2013

"Star Trek Into Darkness – Secret R2-D2 Cameo Easter Egg"

“I just got around to finally seeing this movie over the weekend and low and behold” It’s “lo and behold”. Maybe you should look up how these phrases are spelled before using them.
“That JJ Abrams is one sly guy.” Or maybe it has to do with the fact he’s directing Star Wars Episode VII. Though it's quite possible this scene was shot before he was announced for that. Still, it’s not that “sly”.
Wait… *looks around* He did the same Easter Egg in the 2009 Star Trek. So it's probably just a running gag.

"Rayman Legends Video Game Review – IG NEO"

Link to his Rayman Legends review.
Recap here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/09/no-arms-and-legs-thats-rayman-no-effort.html

Other stories:
“Super Mario Bros – Playing on a City Sidewalk”
“Breaking Bad: Complete Series on DVD in Collectible Barrel w/ Los Pollos Apron! GIMMIE!”

Stories from September 11th 2013

“Street Fighter: Where are they Now”

Another “cool pictures I found” post. *zzzzz*

"Shocking, you woukld think tournament fighting paid better" Blatant typo aside, money isn’t the reason the Street Fighter characters participate in the tournaments. Most of them do it to challenge themselves, while some have other motives (like Chun-Li). Hell, some of the fighters are already rich like Ken and Dudley.
“I also thought Cammy would’ve been knocked up with kids by now with those good looks of hers, but what do I know.” WOW! That is one of the most misogynistic, sexist statements I have EVER read! So because she’s pretty you thought she would be busy raising kids?! This doesn’t even have anything to do with Cammy’s backstory, you don’t say that about any woman! What the fucking hell?!
I don’t care how many years you claim you’ve been training in Martial Arts, Cammy would kick your ass until you tasted your own intestines.

“Godzilla: Teaser Poster Reveals Creature Partially”

Oh right, I forgot this was a thing.

“Since everything is being taken seriously in the movie realm these days, the newest Godzilla movie will be towing the party line to do the same thing.” Exactly how? How does this poster showcase that Godzilla is going to be “ultra-serious” or something?
“Yes we’ve come a long way from those black and white Gozilla movies where he battled every kind of crazy creature you could throw at it.” Black and white? Only two Godzilla movies were black and white, the rest were all in color. Have you actually watched a Godzilla movie?
“Alas, Godzilla will be rebooted in 2014 and a teaser poster has been released to show off how bad ass his tail will look like. Expect a picture of how bad ass his knees look next! Ooooo!” You’re not funny. Also, they’re building him up. If they reveal him right away, then people won’t see the movie. The 1998 American remake did the same thing, and we ended up with the CGI weakling Zilla. Bad example, I know, but that’s just how marketing works.

“Doctor Who’s 50th Anniversary Special Poster is Here: Day of the Doctor”

I thought I told you not to- You know what, screw it. If he wants to talk about Doctor Who, then fine. I don’t care anymore.

“The 50th Anniversary Doctor Who special that combines both of the most popular Doctors in one movie is almost upon us.” I don’t see Tom Baker anywhere in that poster, or in any of the press materials.
“Now a teaser poster has been released to turn us into more of a foaming at the mouth fanbase than we already are!” What is with the way you write? It’s really bizarre and inhuman, like an alien trying to mimic human nerds.

“Super Mario Bros. 30 Foot Long Knitted World 1-1 Scarf”

Do you think your fans really care about all these fluff pieces? At all? Maybe they want actual news? Hello? Am I talking to a wall?

“Wow, what a classy why to stay warm in the winter time.” Do you really want to be lugging around a 30 foot scarf all day long? *looks up at Doctor Who article* Never mind.
“Now all I need is a Mario frog suit for the summer and I’ll be all set!” Ew no, the Frog Suit sucks. Nobody wants that.

“Godzilla: The Face of Godzilla Revealed! Finally!”

This isn’t an official reveal, it’s a picture taken at a convention. You can clearly see someone’s arm in the shot. Also, why the “Finally!” in the title?
For some reason, one of the article tags is “poop”. … I have no words.

“And I for one hope that Matthew Brodrick does show up in this movie too just so he can get eaten! Take that Ferris! That’ll teach you to skip school” That’s not going to happen.
Of all the Matthew Broderick jokes you could have made, why Ferris Bueller? Why not make fun of his bland performance in the 1998 Godzilla? Oh right because his reference pool is ultra-narrow, I keep forgetting that. Also, you’re the last person that should be calling someone out for skipping school. You can’t even spell Broderick correctly.

Oh and ignore everything I said about marketing earlier. Apparently it didn’t matter. I’m just hoping that Godzilla isn’t CGI.

Stories from September 12th 2013

“Legend Of Zelda – Custom Themed Car”

“I love me some Legend of Zelda” Is that why you know nothing about the last decade and a half of Zelda games?
“The “modded” 1978 Ford Fairmont whihc looks like crap without the awesome paint job, was turned into a Zeldamobile” Ignoring the typo, I looked up what a 1978 Ford Fairmont looks like. It… looks like a car. I don’t understand how it looks like crap.
“according to Kotaku” Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. So you do read other gaming sites? Then why the hell are you so god damn slow?! Not even Slotaku is as bad as you!

Other stories:
“Monty Python And The Holy Grail’ The Serious Trailer Cut”
“Angry Birds – The 80′s Home Computer Game Version?”

Stories from September 13th 2013

“Grumpy Cat – The New Disney Poster Movie Star”

“Everyone loves that grumpy cat” I’m sorry, but didn’t you say in the last Grumpy Cat post you made that she was stupid and overdone? But now you’re making more posts about her? Granted it’s fan art but it’s still talking about her.

“Using some photoshop skills I’ve yet to obtain,” This isn’t photoshop, these are actual drawings. If it was photoshop, then the other Disney characters wouldn’t be reacting to Grumpy Cat and the art would not match. The artist might have used photoshop if these are digital drawings, but when most people think something is “photoshopped” they think that it was altered from an original image. That clearly wasn’t the case here.

That was seriously the only article he posted on Friday. Is the burn out happening now?

That’s all for this week. Surprisingly, we got three videos this week. Two were horribly rushed reviews, and one was confirmation that he’s a naive child that just wasted thousands on something that very few people would actually want to see.

Until next week, or whenever he posts a new review.