I would like to give Special Thanks to Asalieri and his series “Reviewing the Reviewer” for pointing out many of Bores’ factual errors, expect another “Stuff I Forgot” thanks to him. I’d also like to thank ineptgamer1 for pointing out how Bores stole everything from the AVGN’s review, wow Bores I thought you haven’t watched him for two years? Fucking liar…
Part 1 was released on October 2nd 2009, almost 5 months after the first History of Video Games episode.
Intro: Do we have to hear this tedious 40 second intro in every “History of Video Games” video?
0:41 – 0:59: He begins the History “Lesson” with the info that Ralph Baer was working on The Odyssey at the same time as Nolan Bushnell was on Computer Space… even though Baer created the earliest prototypes back in 1966 and Computer Space was made in 1971. This is going to be a long review.
0:59 – 1:16: Bores continues the “lesson” noting Baer went to Magnavox and they liked it so much they immediately filed patents, except Baer invited multiple television companies including GE and RCA to his home in
By the way notice the title of the video mentions Ralph Baer yet he only talks about him for about 35 seconds, though that’s the standard for Bores and his movie reviews. But still he could at least mention that Baer was working with the military on top secret weapons while making The Odyssey on the side. Moving on…
1:30 – 1:34: “The Odyssey is very crude in design” I imagine Bores looking at a Ford Model T and saying “This car is crude in design, why doesn’t it look like a Ferrari?” Trust me that isn’t the only time he compares something to today’s standards, this is going to suck.
1:50 - 2:28: Bores starts ranting about the connection cable and how it doesn’t go into a TV
whining that connecting it to the TV is not possible without an “impossible-to-find switch.” Except The Odyssey uses a TV-Game Switch Overload, something commonly found in Atari systems. Well Bores isn’t a gamer and I doubt he has *looks at ET review* so in a nutshell this entire rant was about the Odyssey being old, did you expect 3-D Graphics and THX Sound as well?
2:23: For a phone book with the entire Galaxy’s phone numbers it’s much smaller then the listings in the
2:29 – 2:41: These 12 seconds contain one of the dumbest moments captured on video. Bores goes to Tatooine (rather he green-screened the scene from Star Wars where Uncle Owen meets the Jawas) and talks to a Jawa action figure (yes action figure) asking for the cable, even asking if they take American Express.
Like the writer of Superdickery dot com and this picture:
I could write an entire doctoral thesis on everything wrong with that scene.
One: Did you have to go the Family Guy route and insert another Star Wars reference? I’m serious almost every FG episode has a Star Wars reference for no reason, Bores does this as well.
Two: Why would a Jawa on Tatooine have a cable created on Earth? There’s Suspension of Disbelief, there’s Uwe Boll, and then there’s Chris Bores.
Three: You couldn’t get another actor to play the Jawa? We’ve seen two other guys in your videos, one of them dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi which could have been re-used for the Jawa. “Oh but they’re still too tall” and that stopped you from doing Cousin Joey?
Four: Speaking of Cousin Joey, you couldn’t play the Jawa yourself? You seem to love playing the different idiotic characters you think of, what stopped you from this one?
Five: Did you really have to resort to using an Action Figure? Hell if you couldn’t get someone to play a Jawa then why did you do that reference? There’s a ton of other merchants you could have used, like the one from RE4 (no I like that guy IG would just ruin him) or Aladdin (wait…)
Six: “Do you have American Express” is that the best joke you can think of? This whole thing reminded me of Epic Movie or Meet the Spartans, it wasn’t an actual joke it was just “Hey it’s a Star Wars character doing something it normally wouldn’t… LAUGH DAMN YOU”
Okay I’ll stop talking about the Jawa scene, but it’s not going to get any better from here.
2:50 – 3:09: IG points out the 6 different games the Odyssey comes with and says “all the games are built in the Odyssey, putting in a different card gives the system command codes for the game it wants” or something like that. So in laymen’s terms each card has a different game. That’s like saying “All the games are built into the Sega Genesis, each cart just provides different codes to make it work” it’s very stupid.
3:24 – 3:32: He begins reviewing Table Tennis and enters Captain Obvious mode by pointing out everything on screen with green circles. Really Chris that’s the line separating the table, I could have sworn that was the Equator.
3:58: “Even though this game is very simple to play, there are still some major downsides that can really cause a gamer to turn irate” Phelous do you have something to say?
4:04 – 4:11: “Waah there’s no point system and thus it sucks” Hey Chris, you know that area outside of your front door? That’s called “the Great Outdoors” and one thing that’s common is parks with basketball courts, now many of these courts don’t have scoreboards so by your logic they aren’t playing basketball.
Kill me now.
4:12 – 4:19: He starts talking about the glitches (gee, glitches in a game from 1972? What are the odds?) and one of them has ball moving “slowly to the other side of the screen.” How is this a glitch it’s supposed to go to the other side of the screen…
4:20 – 4:33: IG whines that pressing the reset button sometimes doesn’t bring the ball back and whines “What a piece of shit!” Because everyone knows games that are almost 40 years old will work perfectly 100% of the time.
4:34 – 4:49: IG starts bitching that the players can move anywhere they want and hates this… Sandbox games anyone? He also hates the lack of rules or point systems. Again you’re comparing this by today’s standards, back in the 70s this was awesome.
4:50 – 5:17: Bores sets up the plot (because all History Lessons have unrelated plotlines intertwined) introducing his second player, somehow he installed the HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey into his system. Get it, it’s called the Odyssey and he used the villain from 2001: A Space Odyssey… as much as I hated the Nerdy Turd at least it was original. By the way Bores you couldn’t even get another person to do the voice? You really are pathetic.
Boring bits about the accessories that came with the Odyssey *yawns*
Criticizing the overlays calling them stupid… moving on.
6:18: After playing the Skiing game he bitches that it’s a waste of time, again comparing it by today’s standards. I’d like to see Bores live in the 50s and whine about the TVs and how they lack color or HD picture.
6:23 – 6:50: “Not only is this game terrible” *shakes head* “but it shows that Magnavox might have been trying to market the Odyssey as a board game rather then a video game” REALLY? Let’s ask this person in the year 1972 what his favorite video game is.
Sir, what is your favorite video game of all time?
What’s a video game?
I rest my case.
Then he starts comparing the overlay to Candyland because… he’s a manchild?
6:50: Starts reviewing the Simon Says game.
7:02 – 7:37: The following scene perfectly captures Bores audience. He plays the game going through the cards, after two he reads a card that says “penis” that’s right he’s doing this joke. After that he pulls out masturbation hand (it seems Chris strokes with his right) and vagina. You know the sad thing about this scene he had to make those cards. Plus a lot of his idiot fans thought this joke was genius… more on that later.
Though in a hateful way it’s funny how he ended on vagina, I guess Jennifer never showed him where it’s located.
7:39 – 7:58: Reviews the Hockey game, calls it terrible. What were you expecting fist fights? This isn’t Blades of Steel you moron.
7:59: Why did he skip to Card 3 but go back to Card 2? That’s right because the AVGN reviewed the games in this order.
8:00 – 8:19: Reviews Analogic, says it sucks, moving on.
8:21 – 8:41: Reviews the Cat & Mouse game, says it sucks, this video is horrible.
8:41 – 8:52: Reviews the Haunted House game, but says it’s worse then Cat & Mouse because it has rules and flashcards. Wait wait wait, didn’t he say earlier that the Table Tennis game sucked because it DIDN’T have rules?
8:53 – 9:16: Reviews the Submarine game, says it sucks because you can’t land shots. Even though a shot landed on him earlier… wha?
9:17: “What an assburger” You’re running out of food and curse word combinations already? Come on I had faith after Shit Taco with Cow Urine Dipping Sauce and Diarrhea Dickwaffles.
9:18 – 9:55: Reviews the Roulette game, the end of this one shows some evidence that Chris Bores really is legally retarded. After “spinning” again the ball lands on the 9 and whines that 9 isn’t on the table… though that 18 and 21 next to it sure look right-side up ohhh it’s a 6 not a 9. Bores tried to cover up his idiocy by saying that was the joke. No Chris, that’s not a joke that’s your pea-sized brain failing to comprehend simple math.
9:56 – 10:27: Reviews the States game, says it’s horrible and notes that it’s easier to point. Ironic that the AVGN said the exact same thing in his review right?
So he FINALLY ends the review saying Magnavox released more cards and next week he’s reviewing the Light Rifle accessory, even though he released this video October 2nd and it’s the 16th at the time of this writing, what else is different? Oh the Stinger has HAL say “Hello Dave” and stop... Part (y)2B is going to suck.
This is one of the worst videos I’ve ever seen. Horrible jokes, lame storyline (which shouldn’t be there by the way), and the constant fact he compared the games by modern standards something that shouldn’t be done. It’s like complaining that the early phonograph didn’t allow a shuffle option for your songs.
The worst part though? People are calling this his best review. They thought the Simon Says joke was brilliant (even though it’s been done to death) and that it was more informative then the AVGN’s review… where? Sure the Nerd’s review wasn’t that great but all Bores did that was different was talk about Ralph Baer, complain that the system was old, and whine that the games suck by today’s 3-D Graphics. In fact I have a greater appreciation for the Nerd’s review, at least he respected it and instead of beating a dead horse decided to have fun.
Damn this is my longest rant on one video, hopefully IG releases the next part soon. From the trailer it looks like we’ll get really bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions (if you’ve heard his Jerry Seinfeld impression you know it won’t end well).
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