And lo, one month following the first video of misinformation, bad acting, and loads of padding, we get the conclusion.
The reason I didn’t do Part 2 along with Part 1 was that they weren’t released at the same time. The next two-part episode was released at the same time so when I get to that I’ll cover both parts.
In between the ROB videos, IG did a review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Superman: Doomsday (will include with the rest of the movie review) and had a radio interview that shows why he no longer does them. I’ll revisit the Uncensored Net Noise disaster sometime down the road.
Despite being the second part of an episode, IG made a trailer anyway.
It’s generic, he says a bunch of “it’s going to be awesome” gibberish followed by a montage of footage set to Digital Juice music he used before. Dolly it up all you want Bores, this doesn’t look epic or awesome.
To the video!
0:36 - 2:36: Part 2 starts not with Stack-Up but continuing with Gyromite.
It gets boring when he goes on about needing precision timing to defeat the enemies, followed by strings of lame cursing before just killing one of the Smicks himself.
He follows with a BORING step-by-step guide on getting through a set of pillars. Didn't take that long to get into padding.
Time starts to run out and we get unneeded close-ups of his face sweating. Man, he must be out of a shape if an NES game is making him sweat like that.
He grabs one batch of dynamite only to run out of time due to pillars getting in his way. What’s with the weird frowning? I think that’s supposed to be anger. Right?
He then grabs ROB and starts choking the plastic toy, blaming him for making him lose. No it’s your fault. You commanded ROB to move the pillars, you decided to get that batch of dynamite before the others. You’re not owning up to your mistakes. Just like real life, never admitting you make mistakes and thinking you’re perfect.
2:37 - 2:56: IG moves onto Stack-Up. He notes the game had different parts made for it, bringing up how they’re rare and expensive these days. He then proceeds to insult people that may have sold the game at a garage sale, calling them idiots. That’s charming.
2:57 - 4:00: He says Stack-Up has three games with similar objectives. He starts with “Direct”. He explains how the game works, then brings up a complaint that I honestly don’t understand. Something about the game not understanding when you‘re done or finishing on its own, it’s really unclear.
“So the first game totally sucks ass” as he puts a stamp saying “Sucks Ass” on it. DO YOU LIKE THESE EFFECTS? DO YOU?! PLEASE LOVE ME!
4:01 - 4:52: He moves onto “Memory”, where the goal is to guess the movements of the Blocks and that it requires careful planning. He tries out his combination but gets it wrong and ROB knocks over the Blocks.
“You stupid robot!” OBJECTION! There is a clear contradiction in this insult! You just said that YOU have to plan out ROB’s movements, so knocking the blocks over was your own fault not the robot’s. You only have yourself to blame for not getting it right.
4:53 - 5:44: IG moves onto “Bingo” and says it’s fun. He says the biggest problem with the other games is ROB being slow. Never mind that the second game has you input commands and hope you got them right.
He brings up the two enemies, Spike and Flipper, and how they work. Flipper fills out the middle (normally blank) row but IG edited it to be the “Party button” again. Because that joke was HI-FUCKING-LARIOUS the first time. I really do wonder if this music is on the DVD, he’d get in trouble if he didn’t remove it.
5:45 - 6:02: IG quickly recaps the games, saying “this game just isn’t Stack-Up, it’s also Fucked-Up” Ugh, what a bad joke. To make sure we get it, he edit’s the box art to show that. I love how the beginning of “fucked” is trailing off the box art, like a crayon drawing that doesn’t stay in the lines.
We have now reached the incredibly stupid ending. This is where most of the problems in Part 2 arise.
The camera cuts to IG, ROB is obviously not on his stool. IG notices and wonders where he went. ROB wheels in holding a Gyro and throws it at him (yay), then another one. He gets closer so IG stands up and kicks him. Hahaha no I wish he did because that would be logical. Instead he stands around like an idiot as ROB shoots a fireball from his eyes, I think they were supposed to be lasers but it was a round ball of fire. With plenty of default Adobe effects. IG jumps out of the way.
This whole “fight” would be over if he fucking kicked him! It’s a plastic toy, it has nobody hostage, it can’t warp reality, it isn’t a deadpan snarker obsessed with his neighbor’s wife, it’s just a plastic toy. You can move! Use those martial arts skills you brag about all the time.
Nope, instead he tries to smash ROB with overhead strikes. You look like a caveman doing that! Try moving your arm across the ground, trip him!
ROB decides to start using his rockets to float (HAY GUYZ A BRAWL REFERENCE AM I COOL?) and IG shows he lacks depth perception by trying to punch the robot but failing. This has to be a joke. Especially for someone that claims to have practiced martial arts. If it is a joke, it’s not funny!
ROB thrusts forward and knocks IG to the ground. He starts charging up another fireball, and instead of doing something like “getting out of the way”, IG tries to find something to use against him while on his back. Common sense?
IG finds… a mirror conveniently sitting between his shelves. Why was that there? What purpose does a mirror serve in your gaming room?
The mirror then reflects the fireball back at ROB, blowing him up and leaving nothing. Not pieces that can be found in a closet and be rebuilt by a cartoon midget.
Holy crap, that was awful. The review portion itself was boring as sin, with loads of padding and terrible jokes. The fight at the end was a mess, all because he refused to use his brain! Being an idiot does not make for a good fight scene!
And you know, I would be a smidge happier if the reason ROB attacked IG was due this treatment. He was yelled at, insulted, strangled, so ROB had enough and decided to fight back. But that would be the result of someone who wasn’t a total hack. The real reason is so incredibly stupid, it almost seems like he pulled it out of his ass to save his skin. Though, we won’t get to that for a while.
Yeah, I know it was a short recap but there really wasn’t much to the video. Maybe I should have combined it with the other part…
Next Redux will be Super Smash Bros. Brawl. That’s going to be a pain to watch.
In other news:
Next week, Kwing is going to review Aladdin for the SNES for his Retro Monday series. See another great reviewer give this game the respect it deserves. I wonder if he’ll insert a slam towards Irate Gamer like Happy Video Game Nerd and Clan of the Gray Wolf did in their Aladdin reviews.
http://www.youtube.com/user/kNIGHTWING01 His channel is here.
Catch you later.
0 comments:
Post a Comment