Just... Holy Crap.
This is real folks, it's on IGSRJ's channel and it's still up.
Just... Holy Crap.
This is real folks, it's on IGSRJ's channel and it's still up.
Just... Holy Crap.
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Well it looks like there’s another shitty movie “review” from Chris Bores, and this one is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Oh boy this is going to be painful
Wait, didn’t he say in his GI Joe review that he couldn’t recover this since his Hard Drive crashed? Oh, it seems he found it. Wait what? How could he have found it? If he lost everything that means HE LOST EVERYTHING! Again Chris you’re such a fucking liar! *sighs* On with the analysis.
He starts the video saying “If I had a dime every time someone asked my thoughts for this movie, I’d have a lot of money.” HAHAHAHA Oh fuck what a dumbass! Again Bores pretends he has actual fans but tries to say that with a very cliché phrase. I guess one year in college can’t help with your writing skills huh?
“When this movie came out, it was getting nothing but positive reviews” *slams head against keyboard* Are you fucking kidding me? If anything the reception was overly-negative, it has a 19% at RottenTomatoes and everyone I talked to absolutely hated it!
IG starts ranting about the over-use of stupid jokes, yet he doesn’t say why these jokes are stupid other then “This is supposed to be a serious film.” You’re asking for drama from a movie about alien robots that can transform into vehicles… do I even have to comment?
He then calls the racist & annoying Skids & Mudflap “Hillbillies” are you stupid Chris? If anything they’re like racist caricatures of black men in a Minstrel Show, even being compared to Jar Jar Binks by standards of offensive. He then asks for more Autobot characters that will never appear because Michael Bay is a hack.
Bores starts noting the positives including the storyline (which doesn’t exist) and the special effects, hmmm you hate the stupid jokes but love the special effects? Sounds very familiar Chris, in fact it should be like home territory for you. He ends the review saying if you don’t know the characters then you can see it.
Wow, a negative movie review. It was still a piece of shit but at least he gave some reasons even if it was read like a 5th Grader’s Book Report.
These movie reviews a surefire sign that Chris Bores doesn’t listen to his fans (the ones that still exist) because they were all asking “Where’s the next History of Gaming” or “WE WANT REVIEWS!” and Chris gives all these poor excuses that nobody buys. Well it seems History of Gaming Part 2 IS coming out, and I really don’t see how it could take almost 4 months to make a review of the Odyssey, again Bores is a lazy fuck.
We’re cutting this one off very early today but next time is going to be a very controversial subject that’s difficult to talk about. The Irate Gamer’s Fanboys, ohhh this is going to hurt.
Wait, didn’t he say in his GI Joe review that he couldn’t recover this since his Hard Drive crashed? Oh, it seems he found it. Wait what? How could he have found it? If he lost everything that means HE LOST EVERYTHING! Again Chris you’re such a fucking liar! *sighs* On with the analysis.
He starts the video saying “If I had a dime every time someone asked my thoughts for this movie, I’d have a lot of money.” HAHAHAHA Oh fuck what a dumbass! Again Bores pretends he has actual fans but tries to say that with a very cliché phrase. I guess one year in college can’t help with your writing skills huh?
“When this movie came out, it was getting nothing but positive reviews” *slams head against keyboard* Are you fucking kidding me? If anything the reception was overly-negative, it has a 19% at RottenTomatoes and everyone I talked to absolutely hated it!
IG starts ranting about the over-use of stupid jokes, yet he doesn’t say why these jokes are stupid other then “This is supposed to be a serious film.” You’re asking for drama from a movie about alien robots that can transform into vehicles… do I even have to comment?
He then calls the racist & annoying Skids & Mudflap “Hillbillies” are you stupid Chris? If anything they’re like racist caricatures of black men in a Minstrel Show, even being compared to Jar Jar Binks by standards of offensive. He then asks for more Autobot characters that will never appear because Michael Bay is a hack.
Bores starts noting the positives including the storyline (which doesn’t exist) and the special effects, hmmm you hate the stupid jokes but love the special effects? Sounds very familiar Chris, in fact it should be like home territory for you. He ends the review saying if you don’t know the characters then you can see it.
Wow, a negative movie review. It was still a piece of shit but at least he gave some reasons even if it was read like a 5th Grader’s Book Report.
These movie reviews a surefire sign that Chris Bores doesn’t listen to his fans (the ones that still exist) because they were all asking “Where’s the next History of Gaming” or “WE WANT REVIEWS!” and Chris gives all these poor excuses that nobody buys. Well it seems History of Gaming Part 2 IS coming out, and I really don’t see how it could take almost 4 months to make a review of the Odyssey, again Bores is a lazy fuck.
We’re cutting this one off very early today but next time is going to be a very controversial subject that’s difficult to talk about. The Irate Gamer’s Fanboys, ohhh this is going to hurt.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Man it’s been a while hasn’t it? I’m feeling much better and Bores is still a moron.
I’m going to skip his Star Trek and E3 videos because I don’t feel like watching them, and I’ll wait until he uploads his Boom Blox review to YouTube because watching videos on GottGame is like using RealPlayer.
Instead I’ll cover two smaller videos that are both utterly awful.
The first is a commercial for an NES Clone from the website thinkgeek. Yes another video where Chris Bores whores himself out and disguises it as a review.
He goes on about it being “awesome” and how you can plug it into a TV. Bores notes that he mistakes the reset button for the Select Button even though their nowhere close together, and he’s playing Mega Man to show this. Even though the only reason to use the Select Button in that game is to Pause it and YOU KNOW WHAT screw it.
Bores then lists off the games the Retro Mini can play pointing to “Tengen Games, Unlicensed games” neglecting to mention that Tengen games are unlicensed. Then tries to joke “Games sent from Heaven” and jump-cuts Bible Adventures into it. I’m sorry you have Heaven confused with Hell because Bible Adventures is a horrible game.
After noting it can’t play Castlevania III (a common problem in NES Clones) he says “Now there are some ‘drawlbacks’ to this thing” Yeah he still fucks up his “-aw” words.
He notes one “drawlback” is the inability to play light-gun games. No shit Sherlock those games were meant for a TV Screen. Then he asks if it works with ROB… gee if it doesn’t work for Light-Guns WHY WOULD IT WORK FOR ROB? He actually tests it… what a douche.
Bores ends the commercial saying he hopes for a portable Atari one day, because playing games with pixel counts in the double-digits would make a perfect handheld clone. USE YOUR BRAIN YOU SACK OF CRAP! By the way he shows an Atari 7800 when referencing Atari, no comment. What about the battery life Chris? An important factor of a handheld is long battery life. What about the lack of portability? The NES Carts are bigger then the system itself so it’s not exactly portable.
Could you be anymore of a whore Chris Bores? Well I’ll give him brownie points for not using Shane Dawson’s method of prostitution where he begs people for 5 Stars and believes any publicity is good publicity.
I should note that a couple weeks before this video he reported his Hard Drive crashed and he lost all of his work. I instantly called bullshit because he never gave a specific time-stamp just “over the weekend.” Plus he couldn’t back the files up to a thumb drive or some storage device? If these videos are important to your income then why wouldn’t you back them up? This “commercial” was something he threw together because… *tries looking for the answer but doesn’t find one* because he’s a whore.
The second video is a film “review” of GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Since Bores has a boner for everything GI Joe I’m going to expect a glowing review.
IG starts by saying he noticed the feedback was like X-Men Origins: Wolverine and split down the middle. What reviews are you reading? There were more people that hated Wolverine then people that liked it. Also it wasn’t mixed with GI Joe the response was overwhelmingly negative. Hell people who weren’t even fans knew it was crap from the commercials!
He notes the story isn’t as deep as “The Dark Knight” you know I’m surprised he could sit through The Dark Knight since it sounds like he hates anything with a real story (Watchmen). His only problem was the amount of characters… really?
Again he doesn’t explain why these things are good or bad. He says there’s too many characters but doesn’t say why that’s a problem. Bores doesn’t even give a synopsis of the story, he just said “it wasn’t deep.” Really Bores you can’t review movies, stop trying.
People go watch The Cinema Snob, SpoonyOne, the Nostalgia Critic, or hell James Rolfe’s film reviews for Spike TV’s website. They’re actual film reviews worth watching and they review films worth seeing (mostly films that you should avoid).
I should point out in the description for the GI Joe review he says his Transformers: RotF and Harry Potter film reviews are on his Hard Drive and he can’t post them yet. Seriously you can’t even remake them? You can’t spend 10 minutes in Windows Movie Maker with pictures, a microphone, and a script that consists of the same 3 lines you use in EVERY REVIEW?
Other then these two videos the Irate Gamer released nothing, except for some more Ghost Hunting garbage but if I wanted to be bored out of my skull I’d watch C-SPAN. Because of this I’m not sure what I’ll write next time but it’s good to be back!
I’m going to skip his Star Trek and E3 videos because I don’t feel like watching them, and I’ll wait until he uploads his Boom Blox review to YouTube because watching videos on GottGame is like using RealPlayer.
Instead I’ll cover two smaller videos that are both utterly awful.
The first is a commercial for an NES Clone from the website thinkgeek. Yes another video where Chris Bores whores himself out and disguises it as a review.
He goes on about it being “awesome” and how you can plug it into a TV. Bores notes that he mistakes the reset button for the Select Button even though their nowhere close together, and he’s playing Mega Man to show this. Even though the only reason to use the Select Button in that game is to Pause it and YOU KNOW WHAT screw it.
Bores then lists off the games the Retro Mini can play pointing to “Tengen Games, Unlicensed games” neglecting to mention that Tengen games are unlicensed. Then tries to joke “Games sent from Heaven” and jump-cuts Bible Adventures into it. I’m sorry you have Heaven confused with Hell because Bible Adventures is a horrible game.
After noting it can’t play Castlevania III (a common problem in NES Clones) he says “Now there are some ‘drawlbacks’ to this thing” Yeah he still fucks up his “-aw” words.
He notes one “drawlback” is the inability to play light-gun games. No shit Sherlock those games were meant for a TV Screen. Then he asks if it works with ROB… gee if it doesn’t work for Light-Guns WHY WOULD IT WORK FOR ROB? He actually tests it… what a douche.
Bores ends the commercial saying he hopes for a portable Atari one day, because playing games with pixel counts in the double-digits would make a perfect handheld clone. USE YOUR BRAIN YOU SACK OF CRAP! By the way he shows an Atari 7800 when referencing Atari, no comment. What about the battery life Chris? An important factor of a handheld is long battery life. What about the lack of portability? The NES Carts are bigger then the system itself so it’s not exactly portable.
Could you be anymore of a whore Chris Bores? Well I’ll give him brownie points for not using Shane Dawson’s method of prostitution where he begs people for 5 Stars and believes any publicity is good publicity.
I should note that a couple weeks before this video he reported his Hard Drive crashed and he lost all of his work. I instantly called bullshit because he never gave a specific time-stamp just “over the weekend.” Plus he couldn’t back the files up to a thumb drive or some storage device? If these videos are important to your income then why wouldn’t you back them up? This “commercial” was something he threw together because… *tries looking for the answer but doesn’t find one* because he’s a whore.
The second video is a film “review” of GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Since Bores has a boner for everything GI Joe I’m going to expect a glowing review.
IG starts by saying he noticed the feedback was like X-Men Origins: Wolverine and split down the middle. What reviews are you reading? There were more people that hated Wolverine then people that liked it. Also it wasn’t mixed with GI Joe the response was overwhelmingly negative. Hell people who weren’t even fans knew it was crap from the commercials!
He notes the story isn’t as deep as “The Dark Knight” you know I’m surprised he could sit through The Dark Knight since it sounds like he hates anything with a real story (Watchmen). His only problem was the amount of characters… really?
Again he doesn’t explain why these things are good or bad. He says there’s too many characters but doesn’t say why that’s a problem. Bores doesn’t even give a synopsis of the story, he just said “it wasn’t deep.” Really Bores you can’t review movies, stop trying.
People go watch The Cinema Snob, SpoonyOne, the Nostalgia Critic, or hell James Rolfe’s film reviews for Spike TV’s website. They’re actual film reviews worth watching and they review films worth seeing (mostly films that you should avoid).
I should point out in the description for the GI Joe review he says his Transformers: RotF and Harry Potter film reviews are on his Hard Drive and he can’t post them yet. Seriously you can’t even remake them? You can’t spend 10 minutes in Windows Movie Maker with pictures, a microphone, and a script that consists of the same 3 lines you use in EVERY REVIEW?
Other then these two videos the Irate Gamer released nothing, except for some more Ghost Hunting garbage but if I wanted to be bored out of my skull I’d watch C-SPAN. Because of this I’m not sure what I’ll write next time but it’s good to be back!
Sunday, 9 August 2009
We’re near the end of his videos, only a few more reviews to go! So let’s not waste anymore time and finish this!
His review of Dragonball Evolution, since Bores thought this would be the “greatest film ever” since his first moronic Top 10 list I have a feeling IG is going to gush over this garbage.
IG starts off saying the film was disappointing because the script was written for young children. Really, your biggest complaint with this film was the childish script? People I don’t consider myself a big manga and anime fan but anyone can tell that Dragon Ball was created for kids! It was in “Weekly Shonen Jump” a magazine targeted to young boys in Japan!
It “baffled” him since the fans of Dragon Ball are in their 20s and 30s… and those real fans stayed far FAR away from this film. Bores says a fan wrote to him (that’s cute he still thinks he has fans) saying this film resembled a Power Rangers movie and he’s right. Okay I know this film is utter garbage but how is it like Power Rangers? God even when he does a bad movie he still confuses and annoys me.
Bores then points out the character changes, citing that Bulma shouldn’t have guns (actually she had a pistol in the very first chapter when she met Goku), Yamcha shouldn’t look like a surfer, and Master Roshi looking nothing like his “comic book counterpart.” Dude if you really were hyped for this film you would’ve known Chow Yun-Fat was playing Roshi, you just continue to lie all the time it’s not healthy. By the way “Comic Book Counterpart” look I don’t know when the first translation of Dragon Ball arrived in the states but last I checked everyone learned about the series from DBZ and Toonami. Just stop lying Chris and you’ll get a little more respect.
Then IG starts ranting that this would’ve been a good film under the right director and could’ve been as epic as Lord of the Rings. You know I’m running out of ways to say Bores is mentally deficient, how could he not see this movie would suck? In his Top 10 List from 09 he commented this is how he would’ve directed the film, proving once again he’s a lying sack of shit always pretending that he has an idea on what he’s talking about.
His next review is X-Men Origins: Wolverine, IG has said on multiple occasions he’s a big comic book fan so I’m guessing we’ll get a negative review right? Right?
Oh my fucking God he thinks this movie was good and not just Iron Man good but The Dark Knight good. He says the plot was solid (BULLSHIT), the characters were well-developed (what movie were you watching? The characters had like 2-3 minutes each, it was all on Hugh Jackman), and it was all well-done giving the movie an A+. What the hell is wrong with you? This movie was utter garbage it strayed very far from the comics, ruined established continuity, and felt like a bad fan-fiction.
Bores continues with the fellatio saying the ending battle was awesome and had you begging for more. You can’t be serious, the fight with BarakaPool? He can’t be this utterly stupid he just can’t. “I couldn’t have asked for a better movie” that’s it, the world is over. Pack up your bags we’re leaving.
IG continues on saying all the characters were great… dude they were in the movie for 2-3 minutes. They were just shoved in there for fan-service to appeal to morons like you! He comments the film was “All That and a Bag of Potato Chips” are you stuck in the 90s? Who the hell says that? This is like “Getting Jiggy with It” in the ROB review it’s something people don’t like to remember.
He ends the video saying “it’s one of the best comic book movies I’ve ever seen.” I don’t know anymore guys, I don’t get why his mother would let him have a video camera. It’s like Spax3’s mother; people know he’s not right in the head so why would she indulge his stupidity?
Well we’re on to his second-to-last game review (so far) and this one really pisses me off. His review of Resident Evil 5 on the 360 and the only evil we’ll be seeing is IG’s terrible gaming skills. For the record I’ve played through the entirety of RE5 and it’s not a bad game, it’s not as good as RE4 but it’s still a lot of fun.
0:20 – 0:31: IG announces he’s going to switch gears and review the fans top requests (all 2 of them) and the next couple of months will be to the fans.
0:32: “This month, I’m reviewing Resident Evil 5” wait didn’t he just say the next couple of months will be all fan requests? By saying “this month” that either implies very few fan requests or another contradiction that could’ve been fixed by looking over your script.
0:32 – 0:40: After announcing that he’s reviewing RE5 he starts the game and the voice says “Resident Evil…5” and, I’m not kidding, Bores responds “Uhh thanks buddy I just said that.” How could you consider that a legitimate joke? Every Resident Evil game does that it’s not a humorous subject that’s easy to parody, unlike the bad voice acting and use of Healing Herbs. Seriously though not even 9 year olds would find that garbage funny!
0:41 – 0:54: Bores attempts to explain the concept of Resident Evil and according to him it’s “Go around shooting the shit out of zombies.” You moron the goal is to survive, in the original games you had very little ammo and inventory space so running was very important. The fifth game tries to bring that back and use the successful engine from RE4.
0:55 – 1:06: IG starts talking about the story and he couldn’t be anymore WRONG! “Terrorists have gotten the drug that turns people into zombies” where do I start with this? The zombies weren’t infected with a drug, it was a virus created by the Umbrella Corporation to create super-humans for a new world. The T-Virus isn’t in this game though it’s the Las Plagas parasite from the fourth game along with the bio-organic Uroboros weapon. These don’t turn them into zombies; they turn into the Majini and use strategy to attack you instead of walking mindlessly devouring your flesh.
According to Bores the “Terrorists Plan” is to unleash the drug into a small African village YOU ARE INCORRECT MORON! You’re in Africa to find a black market dealer named Ricardo Irving; you just start out in a small African village. God I’m barely into this video and there’s so much wrong already.
1:07 – 1:25: He continues going through the story, saying you play as “a guy named Chris.” Yes he doesn’t use his last name or reference that he was the hero from the first Resident Evil. You meet your partner (he doesn’t give a name) and meet with a stranger (your contact) that looks like an obscure Star Wars character only seen in the expanded universe. Wow, more references that your 10 year old viewers won’t get. Way to reach to the audience dumb fuck!
1:33 – 1:49: IG says the game stays true to form as he “felt a rush of adrenaline, scared to find out what’s behind the corner.” God damn it this game isn’t even scary! Most of it takes place in broad daylight or well-illuminated areas, there’s no tension in it. One game that delivers a good scare is Dead Space, a desolate space station full of mutated freaks and very dark corridors.
He tries to drive this “scary game” point further with a failed joke involving The Grimace popping out and “scaring him.” At this point I don’t even care; I’m nearly done with these videos and just want to stop the madness.
1:49 – 2:05: Bores compliments the graphics saying they “looked so life-like” and he just gawked at the facial expressions (note when he says facial expressions the camera is on Sheva), then he praises the “realistic movements” calling them “very cool.” Something about that part pisses me off but I don’t know why…
2:06 – 2:16: “Being a film director myself, I appreciate the time that went into these scenes.” WHAT THE FUCKING ASS CUNT FUCK? This isn’t a film it’s a video game! You have no clue what went into it, you shut your whore mouth or I will find you and record all your lies for the Internet exposing you as a bigger fraud then now!
2:22: When he points out the “complicated controls” (bullshit) we cut a shot of his controller that happens to be turned off. There’s nothing I can say here other then EPIC FAIL!
2:24 – 2:36: He comments this isn’t a “pick-up and play” game saying he had trouble a couple hours in. Except it shows him on the first fucking level! Couple hours my ass that’s like 20 minutes in the game!
2:37 – 2:50: IG moans that even on amateur he still had trouble defeating the first boss, wow you fucking suck at this. He’s not even fighting the boss correctly he’s running up and trying to shoot him instead of using the environment to his advantage.
2:51: Ladies & Gentlemen the Irate Gamer will sum up his gaming skills in one sentence! “Why couldn’t the easy setting just be a little more easier?” *cheers from the crowd* There you have it folks, the Irate Gamer in one sentence! Isn’t it beautiful?
IG ends the review saying it’s not a pick up & play game but it has a lot of blood & gore. Moron you didn’t even beat the game, thus your opinion is wrong and you fail at life.
This review was fucking horrible, there’s so much wrong it’s scary. Whether it’s his complaints on the controls, completely getting the story wrong, the shot of his turned off controller, or complaining the game was too hard. No mention of the crippled AI, the online co-op, or the stupidly difficult inventory system. Fuck You.
Right now I just want to focus more on finishing these off and saving this blog for the next video IG releases (if there is a new video). Next Time his Star Trek film review, my rant on his trip to E3 (yes the fat fuck went to E3) and attempting to analyze his Boom Blox Bash Party review (the keyword being attempt).
Hey, the next rant will be the last for a while so I hope you enjoyed these. I will release a “Oops I Missed That” section after the next rant containing errors from IG’s videos I didn’t point out. After that I’ll just relax until Bores stops being a lazy idiot and releases a new video.
His review of Dragonball Evolution, since Bores thought this would be the “greatest film ever” since his first moronic Top 10 list I have a feeling IG is going to gush over this garbage.
IG starts off saying the film was disappointing because the script was written for young children. Really, your biggest complaint with this film was the childish script? People I don’t consider myself a big manga and anime fan but anyone can tell that Dragon Ball was created for kids! It was in “Weekly Shonen Jump” a magazine targeted to young boys in Japan!
It “baffled” him since the fans of Dragon Ball are in their 20s and 30s… and those real fans stayed far FAR away from this film. Bores says a fan wrote to him (that’s cute he still thinks he has fans) saying this film resembled a Power Rangers movie and he’s right. Okay I know this film is utter garbage but how is it like Power Rangers? God even when he does a bad movie he still confuses and annoys me.
Bores then points out the character changes, citing that Bulma shouldn’t have guns (actually she had a pistol in the very first chapter when she met Goku), Yamcha shouldn’t look like a surfer, and Master Roshi looking nothing like his “comic book counterpart.” Dude if you really were hyped for this film you would’ve known Chow Yun-Fat was playing Roshi, you just continue to lie all the time it’s not healthy. By the way “Comic Book Counterpart” look I don’t know when the first translation of Dragon Ball arrived in the states but last I checked everyone learned about the series from DBZ and Toonami. Just stop lying Chris and you’ll get a little more respect.
Then IG starts ranting that this would’ve been a good film under the right director and could’ve been as epic as Lord of the Rings. You know I’m running out of ways to say Bores is mentally deficient, how could he not see this movie would suck? In his Top 10 List from 09 he commented this is how he would’ve directed the film, proving once again he’s a lying sack of shit always pretending that he has an idea on what he’s talking about.
His next review is X-Men Origins: Wolverine, IG has said on multiple occasions he’s a big comic book fan so I’m guessing we’ll get a negative review right? Right?
Oh my fucking God he thinks this movie was good and not just Iron Man good but The Dark Knight good. He says the plot was solid (BULLSHIT), the characters were well-developed (what movie were you watching? The characters had like 2-3 minutes each, it was all on Hugh Jackman), and it was all well-done giving the movie an A+. What the hell is wrong with you? This movie was utter garbage it strayed very far from the comics, ruined established continuity, and felt like a bad fan-fiction.
Bores continues with the fellatio saying the ending battle was awesome and had you begging for more. You can’t be serious, the fight with BarakaPool? He can’t be this utterly stupid he just can’t. “I couldn’t have asked for a better movie” that’s it, the world is over. Pack up your bags we’re leaving.
IG continues on saying all the characters were great… dude they were in the movie for 2-3 minutes. They were just shoved in there for fan-service to appeal to morons like you! He comments the film was “All That and a Bag of Potato Chips” are you stuck in the 90s? Who the hell says that? This is like “Getting Jiggy with It” in the ROB review it’s something people don’t like to remember.
He ends the video saying “it’s one of the best comic book movies I’ve ever seen.” I don’t know anymore guys, I don’t get why his mother would let him have a video camera. It’s like Spax3’s mother; people know he’s not right in the head so why would she indulge his stupidity?
Well we’re on to his second-to-last game review (so far) and this one really pisses me off. His review of Resident Evil 5 on the 360 and the only evil we’ll be seeing is IG’s terrible gaming skills. For the record I’ve played through the entirety of RE5 and it’s not a bad game, it’s not as good as RE4 but it’s still a lot of fun.
0:20 – 0:31: IG announces he’s going to switch gears and review the fans top requests (all 2 of them) and the next couple of months will be to the fans.
0:32: “This month, I’m reviewing Resident Evil 5” wait didn’t he just say the next couple of months will be all fan requests? By saying “this month” that either implies very few fan requests or another contradiction that could’ve been fixed by looking over your script.
0:32 – 0:40: After announcing that he’s reviewing RE5 he starts the game and the voice says “Resident Evil…5” and, I’m not kidding, Bores responds “Uhh thanks buddy I just said that.” How could you consider that a legitimate joke? Every Resident Evil game does that it’s not a humorous subject that’s easy to parody, unlike the bad voice acting and use of Healing Herbs. Seriously though not even 9 year olds would find that garbage funny!
0:41 – 0:54: Bores attempts to explain the concept of Resident Evil and according to him it’s “Go around shooting the shit out of zombies.” You moron the goal is to survive, in the original games you had very little ammo and inventory space so running was very important. The fifth game tries to bring that back and use the successful engine from RE4.
0:55 – 1:06: IG starts talking about the story and he couldn’t be anymore WRONG! “Terrorists have gotten the drug that turns people into zombies” where do I start with this? The zombies weren’t infected with a drug, it was a virus created by the Umbrella Corporation to create super-humans for a new world. The T-Virus isn’t in this game though it’s the Las Plagas parasite from the fourth game along with the bio-organic Uroboros weapon. These don’t turn them into zombies; they turn into the Majini and use strategy to attack you instead of walking mindlessly devouring your flesh.
According to Bores the “Terrorists Plan” is to unleash the drug into a small African village YOU ARE INCORRECT MORON! You’re in Africa to find a black market dealer named Ricardo Irving; you just start out in a small African village. God I’m barely into this video and there’s so much wrong already.
1:07 – 1:25: He continues going through the story, saying you play as “a guy named Chris.” Yes he doesn’t use his last name or reference that he was the hero from the first Resident Evil. You meet your partner (he doesn’t give a name) and meet with a stranger (your contact) that looks like an obscure Star Wars character only seen in the expanded universe. Wow, more references that your 10 year old viewers won’t get. Way to reach to the audience dumb fuck!
1:33 – 1:49: IG says the game stays true to form as he “felt a rush of adrenaline, scared to find out what’s behind the corner.” God damn it this game isn’t even scary! Most of it takes place in broad daylight or well-illuminated areas, there’s no tension in it. One game that delivers a good scare is Dead Space, a desolate space station full of mutated freaks and very dark corridors.
He tries to drive this “scary game” point further with a failed joke involving The Grimace popping out and “scaring him.” At this point I don’t even care; I’m nearly done with these videos and just want to stop the madness.
1:49 – 2:05: Bores compliments the graphics saying they “looked so life-like” and he just gawked at the facial expressions (note when he says facial expressions the camera is on Sheva), then he praises the “realistic movements” calling them “very cool.” Something about that part pisses me off but I don’t know why…
2:06 – 2:16: “Being a film director myself, I appreciate the time that went into these scenes.” WHAT THE FUCKING ASS CUNT FUCK? This isn’t a film it’s a video game! You have no clue what went into it, you shut your whore mouth or I will find you and record all your lies for the Internet exposing you as a bigger fraud then now!
2:22: When he points out the “complicated controls” (bullshit) we cut a shot of his controller that happens to be turned off. There’s nothing I can say here other then EPIC FAIL!
2:24 – 2:36: He comments this isn’t a “pick-up and play” game saying he had trouble a couple hours in. Except it shows him on the first fucking level! Couple hours my ass that’s like 20 minutes in the game!
2:37 – 2:50: IG moans that even on amateur he still had trouble defeating the first boss, wow you fucking suck at this. He’s not even fighting the boss correctly he’s running up and trying to shoot him instead of using the environment to his advantage.
2:51: Ladies & Gentlemen the Irate Gamer will sum up his gaming skills in one sentence! “Why couldn’t the easy setting just be a little more easier?” *cheers from the crowd* There you have it folks, the Irate Gamer in one sentence! Isn’t it beautiful?
IG ends the review saying it’s not a pick up & play game but it has a lot of blood & gore. Moron you didn’t even beat the game, thus your opinion is wrong and you fail at life.
This review was fucking horrible, there’s so much wrong it’s scary. Whether it’s his complaints on the controls, completely getting the story wrong, the shot of his turned off controller, or complaining the game was too hard. No mention of the crippled AI, the online co-op, or the stupidly difficult inventory system. Fuck You.
Right now I just want to focus more on finishing these off and saving this blog for the next video IG releases (if there is a new video). Next Time his Star Trek film review, my rant on his trip to E3 (yes the fat fuck went to E3) and attempting to analyze his Boom Blox Bash Party review (the keyword being attempt).
Hey, the next rant will be the last for a while so I hope you enjoyed these. I will release a “Oops I Missed That” section after the next rant containing errors from IG’s videos I didn’t point out. After that I’ll just relax until Bores stops being a lazy idiot and releases a new video.
Okay three reviews on the block today so let’s hurry and finish them all.
His review of Sonic Unleashed on the 360, I haven’t played Unleashed yet but the reactions are very mixed. Some absolutely hate the Werehog God of War-esque stages, some say they’re a fun addition, and the few out there that adore the entire game. However Bores did the same thing as IGN and only played a few levels quickly declaring the game as crap.
0:23 – 0:30: “I was always a big fan of the Sonic games” You’re such a fucking liar Chris, if you claim to have grown up with Nintendo you never played a Sonic game. “It didn’t feel the same once it jumped to 3-D” come on Sonic Adventure was awesome! SA2 was average and everything following that sucked but Adventure was a great game.
0:31 – 0:44: Shows the opening cutscene because it’s SO important to the actual game.
0:45 – 1:02: Bores explains the story while mispronouncing captured (keptured), and werewolf (werewoof). He doesn’t explain the actual details like the Chaos Emerald corruption or Dark Gaia. But really when has he explained the story details?
1:16 – 1:30: He comments the first two levels are great as they’re what Sonic games are all about “Speed Speed Speed.” Except the early Sonic games weren’t all about speed, there were platforming elements like the Marble Zone in the first game or the Blue Sphere mini-game from the third. You had to time it just right breaking up the monotony of speeding through the game.
1:31 – 1:44: Here comes the bitching, IG starts moaning that the open-world hub stages suck. Hold on these are just the hub stages, you don’t have to spend a lot of time in them it’s there to transport from one level to the next. DUH!
1:44 – 2:13: Bores brings up the controversial Werehog stages (he doesn’t use Werehog but “Werewoof” yes he still can’t pronounce it) and if he wanted to hack n slash through enemies he’d play a fighting game. Wait a fighting game, as in Street Fighter or Soul Calibur? Those games are nothing like the Werehog stages, a far more acceptable comparison would’ve been God of War, Devil May Cry, or Ninja Gaiden. YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!
Oh and he says Sonic games should only be about speed and nothing else. Yeah he never played a Sonic game he needs to shut up.
2:14 – 2:33: IG continues to complain this time about the flying stages saying they have nothing to do with Sonic (except they were in Sonic 2 on the Genesis one of the GOLDEN AGE games you fat fuck) and whines about pressing the correct buttons. Awww what’s the matter Bores your weak mind can’t keep up with two simple buttons?
2:34 – 2:52: Bores continues with this stage saying the boss sucks because “his health meter is too long” and it’s hard to deplete it. So you’re complaining about the boss being harder then the regular enemies? *brain breaks* SLIPKNOT IS KEWL I LOVE HOT TOPIC TWLIGHT IS THE BEEEEST BOOK EVER BECAUSE IT’S SHINY VAMPIRES COOKIES *slaps self* Of course the boss is going to have a long health meter IT’S A FUCKING BOSS!
3:00 – 3:18: He says if you can get online with your “video game console” (note how he doesn’t say a specific one while showing his 360, I guess he thinks the Wii can do that… god damn it I hate this) then you can download the demo having the “best level in the entire game.” God it’s like he discovered the free online demos, did he just get an Xbox 360 the day before making that video? Also the first two levels are NOT the only speed levels, but you wouldn’t know that since you’re a lazy motherfucker that requires Game Genie and Emulators on everything WHY DO YOU PISS ME OFF SO MUCH?
3:18: “Why couldn’t they just make the entire game like the first two levels?” Because it would have been beaten in 2-3 hours, that’s not a good length when you’re paying $60 dollars, and again there are more levels like the first two you’re not a gamer stop lying and go fuck yourself.
Wow this review was horrible; he didn’t even play the entire game JUST LIKE HILARY GOLDSTEIN OF IGN! How is it Bores doesn’t understand why he gets the large amount of hate he has?
Moving on to his review of the Nicholas Cage film Knowing, and again he titles it wrong as “The Knowing.” By the way this video was released one month after his Sonic Unleashed review, just another sign of Chris Bores being a lazy fatass.
Meh just another boring movie review with the same “It was cool” statements without reasons why it was good. Oh and Reverse Funny Aneurysm Moment with the “date night” line, good luck trying to find a new girl Chris everyone has pinned you as a crook and only crazy women like that sort of thing.
After a long wait the Irate Gamer finally released his newest episode, The History of Gaming Part 1. Yes the man that believes the Genesis came out after the SNES and Turtles in Time was only on Super Nintendo is going to teach us the history of gaming. This is going to royally suck pig testicles.
Boredom sets in immediately with Bores showing random game footage and speaking in his awkward voice about “The popularity and hardships of gaming” and to find out the truth they need to “start at the beginning.” Face it Bores your credibility is hanging by a thin piece of string this last attempt to prove you’re a gamer is not going to help.
Wikipedia Quotes!
You’ve got to be kidding he’s actually reviewing Spacewar (at least a recreated flash version)! Dude you don’t have to review the actual game just give a little back story and move on to the next thing. That’s how a history lesson works in a video format you moron!
IG talks about the star in the center having gravity for some reason; well that’s what it was made for dumbfuck. I don’t believe this, when he starts explaining the hyperspace mode he greenscreens himself into a ship to “simulate” the speed. Is this why this crappy video took 3 months to make? So you could make a greenscreen effect that has no purpose in a review of a game made in 1961?! Oh and he hits the star using the SAME EXPLOSION EFFECT! My God Chris you’ve been doing this for over two years now and you still use the same cheap explosion effect!
His response “How come this stuff never happens to Captain Kirk” *cue annoying laughtrack* I bet Bores hears a laughtrack in his head, that does explain why he pauses at the end of his jokes.
More Wikipedia Quotes!
“Now believe it or not, there were two different versions of Computer Space made” Wow thanks for the useless info, are you going to review this game as well? Stupid joke time! Listing off the cabinet colors he ends on “Bob Uecker” wow this humor is just cheap. Tim & Eric make better jokes then this crap!
He keeps adding sound effects that aren’t in the game, special effects and different sounds won’t mask your dull personality Chris. Next he plays a 2-Player game and loses 2 to 64 (the latter number from the timer) and forces out a “shocked reaction.” He was playing with the Devil Bores OKAY this still isn’t funny stop pretending it is!
Bores ends Part 1 announcing the next video will be on the Magnavox Odyssey and thus the shit has hit the fan.
This video came out May 8th 2009, and a couple weeks before that on April 21st the AVGN reviewed the Magnavox Odyssey so people were pissed. I should mention that a few days before IG releases an episode he puts out a teaser of said episode (yeah I don’t get it either) and this is where the next pattern of bullshit begins.
One of the first comments mentioned the AVGN just reviewed the Odyssey and Bores responds “Did he? I’d have no idea, I don’t watch him.” Really now, you didn’t know at all? You didn’t see the hundreds of comments on the teaser video saying things like “Are you going to rip-off AVGN and review the Odyssey you hack?” These kinds of comments were deleted from your page you’re just going to deny them? You dishonest sack of crap!
The lies don’t end there, Bores has said on multiple occasions he’s friends with James Rolfe yet he’s not subscribed to him and he denies watching his videos. Wow Chris you’re a nice friend STOP LYING YOU PILE OF SHIT!
Also this video doesn’t help in IG’s case:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEilC-CsZ1Y
I believe that’s not an alt account considering how Bores capitalizes the word “irate” in his name. In conclusion with everything the Irate Gamer says piles on more evidence that he’s a lying bastard.
If it makes you guys feel better it’s been 3 months since Part 1 and there’s very little news on the next one. This series came and went like those “breakfast rants” and I couldn’t be happier.
Next Time on Irate Gamer Sucks his film reviews of Dragonball Evolution and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, along with a review of Resident Evil 5. See ya next time.
His review of Sonic Unleashed on the 360, I haven’t played Unleashed yet but the reactions are very mixed. Some absolutely hate the Werehog God of War-esque stages, some say they’re a fun addition, and the few out there that adore the entire game. However Bores did the same thing as IGN and only played a few levels quickly declaring the game as crap.
0:23 – 0:30: “I was always a big fan of the Sonic games” You’re such a fucking liar Chris, if you claim to have grown up with Nintendo you never played a Sonic game. “It didn’t feel the same once it jumped to 3-D” come on Sonic Adventure was awesome! SA2 was average and everything following that sucked but Adventure was a great game.
0:31 – 0:44: Shows the opening cutscene because it’s SO important to the actual game.
0:45 – 1:02: Bores explains the story while mispronouncing captured (keptured), and werewolf (werewoof). He doesn’t explain the actual details like the Chaos Emerald corruption or Dark Gaia. But really when has he explained the story details?
1:16 – 1:30: He comments the first two levels are great as they’re what Sonic games are all about “Speed Speed Speed.” Except the early Sonic games weren’t all about speed, there were platforming elements like the Marble Zone in the first game or the Blue Sphere mini-game from the third. You had to time it just right breaking up the monotony of speeding through the game.
1:31 – 1:44: Here comes the bitching, IG starts moaning that the open-world hub stages suck. Hold on these are just the hub stages, you don’t have to spend a lot of time in them it’s there to transport from one level to the next. DUH!
1:44 – 2:13: Bores brings up the controversial Werehog stages (he doesn’t use Werehog but “Werewoof” yes he still can’t pronounce it) and if he wanted to hack n slash through enemies he’d play a fighting game. Wait a fighting game, as in Street Fighter or Soul Calibur? Those games are nothing like the Werehog stages, a far more acceptable comparison would’ve been God of War, Devil May Cry, or Ninja Gaiden. YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!
Oh and he says Sonic games should only be about speed and nothing else. Yeah he never played a Sonic game he needs to shut up.
2:14 – 2:33: IG continues to complain this time about the flying stages saying they have nothing to do with Sonic (except they were in Sonic 2 on the Genesis one of the GOLDEN AGE games you fat fuck) and whines about pressing the correct buttons. Awww what’s the matter Bores your weak mind can’t keep up with two simple buttons?
2:34 – 2:52: Bores continues with this stage saying the boss sucks because “his health meter is too long” and it’s hard to deplete it. So you’re complaining about the boss being harder then the regular enemies? *brain breaks* SLIPKNOT IS KEWL I LOVE HOT TOPIC TWLIGHT IS THE BEEEEST BOOK EVER BECAUSE IT’S SHINY VAMPIRES COOKIES *slaps self* Of course the boss is going to have a long health meter IT’S A FUCKING BOSS!
3:00 – 3:18: He says if you can get online with your “video game console” (note how he doesn’t say a specific one while showing his 360, I guess he thinks the Wii can do that… god damn it I hate this) then you can download the demo having the “best level in the entire game.” God it’s like he discovered the free online demos, did he just get an Xbox 360 the day before making that video? Also the first two levels are NOT the only speed levels, but you wouldn’t know that since you’re a lazy motherfucker that requires Game Genie and Emulators on everything WHY DO YOU PISS ME OFF SO MUCH?
3:18: “Why couldn’t they just make the entire game like the first two levels?” Because it would have been beaten in 2-3 hours, that’s not a good length when you’re paying $60 dollars, and again there are more levels like the first two you’re not a gamer stop lying and go fuck yourself.
Wow this review was horrible; he didn’t even play the entire game JUST LIKE HILARY GOLDSTEIN OF IGN! How is it Bores doesn’t understand why he gets the large amount of hate he has?
Moving on to his review of the Nicholas Cage film Knowing, and again he titles it wrong as “The Knowing.” By the way this video was released one month after his Sonic Unleashed review, just another sign of Chris Bores being a lazy fatass.
Meh just another boring movie review with the same “It was cool” statements without reasons why it was good. Oh and Reverse Funny Aneurysm Moment with the “date night” line, good luck trying to find a new girl Chris everyone has pinned you as a crook and only crazy women like that sort of thing.
After a long wait the Irate Gamer finally released his newest episode, The History of Gaming Part 1. Yes the man that believes the Genesis came out after the SNES and Turtles in Time was only on Super Nintendo is going to teach us the history of gaming. This is going to royally suck pig testicles.
Boredom sets in immediately with Bores showing random game footage and speaking in his awkward voice about “The popularity and hardships of gaming” and to find out the truth they need to “start at the beginning.” Face it Bores your credibility is hanging by a thin piece of string this last attempt to prove you’re a gamer is not going to help.
Wikipedia Quotes!
You’ve got to be kidding he’s actually reviewing Spacewar (at least a recreated flash version)! Dude you don’t have to review the actual game just give a little back story and move on to the next thing. That’s how a history lesson works in a video format you moron!
IG talks about the star in the center having gravity for some reason; well that’s what it was made for dumbfuck. I don’t believe this, when he starts explaining the hyperspace mode he greenscreens himself into a ship to “simulate” the speed. Is this why this crappy video took 3 months to make? So you could make a greenscreen effect that has no purpose in a review of a game made in 1961?! Oh and he hits the star using the SAME EXPLOSION EFFECT! My God Chris you’ve been doing this for over two years now and you still use the same cheap explosion effect!
His response “How come this stuff never happens to Captain Kirk” *cue annoying laughtrack* I bet Bores hears a laughtrack in his head, that does explain why he pauses at the end of his jokes.
More Wikipedia Quotes!
“Now believe it or not, there were two different versions of Computer Space made” Wow thanks for the useless info, are you going to review this game as well? Stupid joke time! Listing off the cabinet colors he ends on “Bob Uecker” wow this humor is just cheap. Tim & Eric make better jokes then this crap!
He keeps adding sound effects that aren’t in the game, special effects and different sounds won’t mask your dull personality Chris. Next he plays a 2-Player game and loses 2 to 64 (the latter number from the timer) and forces out a “shocked reaction.” He was playing with the Devil Bores OKAY this still isn’t funny stop pretending it is!
Bores ends Part 1 announcing the next video will be on the Magnavox Odyssey and thus the shit has hit the fan.
This video came out May 8th 2009, and a couple weeks before that on April 21st the AVGN reviewed the Magnavox Odyssey so people were pissed. I should mention that a few days before IG releases an episode he puts out a teaser of said episode (yeah I don’t get it either) and this is where the next pattern of bullshit begins.
One of the first comments mentioned the AVGN just reviewed the Odyssey and Bores responds “Did he? I’d have no idea, I don’t watch him.” Really now, you didn’t know at all? You didn’t see the hundreds of comments on the teaser video saying things like “Are you going to rip-off AVGN and review the Odyssey you hack?” These kinds of comments were deleted from your page you’re just going to deny them? You dishonest sack of crap!
The lies don’t end there, Bores has said on multiple occasions he’s friends with James Rolfe yet he’s not subscribed to him and he denies watching his videos. Wow Chris you’re a nice friend STOP LYING YOU PILE OF SHIT!
Also this video doesn’t help in IG’s case:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEilC-CsZ1Y
I believe that’s not an alt account considering how Bores capitalizes the word “irate” in his name. In conclusion with everything the Irate Gamer says piles on more evidence that he’s a lying bastard.
If it makes you guys feel better it’s been 3 months since Part 1 and there’s very little news on the next one. This series came and went like those “breakfast rants” and I couldn’t be happier.
Next Time on Irate Gamer Sucks his film reviews of Dragonball Evolution and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, along with a review of Resident Evil 5. See ya next time.
Friday, 7 August 2009
The next “official” Irate Gamer episode appeared 3 months after his Aladdin review and like the last time there were other videos. So Irate Gamer Sucks is going to look through his Top 10 Summer Movies of 09 and his review of Watchmen the movie.
The list is split into two parts like last time despite the total length being 6 Minutes and 1 Second (lazy lazy lazy).
Number 10: Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Of course Bores doesn’t use the subtitle, just “Night at the Museum 2.” He liked the first one and sees the hope for more characters, effects, and… well just characters and effects.
Number 9: Angels & Demons
Pfft HAHAHAHA this movie was utter garbage! Bores says this film is similar to National Treasure, The Da Vinci Code, and DuckTales. Yeah when I think of corruption in the Catholic Church I think DuckTales (blah). He doesn’t know the plot because he never read the book but thinks the film will be good since it’s from the same people behind The Da Vinci Code (this movie sucked as well moron).
Number 8: Watchmen
Hold on, Watchmen wasn’t a summer movie, it came out in March. He even acknowledges it’s not a summer movie… GAH. Bores confesses he never read “any of the Watchmen comics” (implying that it was an on-going series not a 12 Issue Epic) but has heard good things and says the movie will be good from the trailer. Man, wait until I get to the review itself that’s going to be a doozy.
Number 7: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Hey he actually used the subtitle, too bad this movie was equal to the dog shit I stepped in last week. Bores’ two complaints with the first movie were indistinguishable robots and bad camera angles for the fight scenes and he hopes they fix it for this one, yeah that didn’t happen. He believes the film will have a solid plot (HAHAHAHA) and is excited for Devastator causing damage (except he was only there for 3 minutes).
Number 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Or as Bores calls it “Harry Potter Movie 6” at least make an attempt to look professional you sack of lard. “Judging by the Movie Trailer, this one should be awesome.” To my readers, have you ever heard of Pan’s Labyrinth? A foreign fantasy film written and directed by Guillermo del Toro known for the Hellboy films and Mimic. The trailers made it out to be a fun family film but the actual film was a disturbing, violent, and very Grimm-esque Fairy Tale. This movie is the perfect example on why you should NEVER trust a trailer. Something Chris Bores always relies on.
I’m getting off track here let’s continue, he says there will be effects, action (as he shows a picture of Malfoy looking in a mirror), and all the characters. Yeah he didn’t explain why these are good he just said it. Are you even trying anymore?
Number 5: Knowing
Time to consult the Nicholas Cage Plot Generator! Seriously Bores why is your annunciation so bizarre? “Nicholas Cage finds a time capsule with a note IN IT… that foretells every disaster that’s going to happen” it’s like a kid on a sugar rush it’s just weird. He hopes it lives up the hype (that never existed).
Number 4: Star Trek
“I was never a big fan of the original series” yeah I’m not commenting on that. “But once I saw the movie trailer for this movie, I was blown away” I'll let that one sink in. He says the casting looks great (why) and with JJ Abrams it should be good (why?) At least explain why that stuff looks good don’t just say it’s going to be good and call it a day.
Number 3: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Bores doesn’t use the “X-Men Origins” title for some odd reason. IG believes this movie will reveal the secret origin of Wolverine thinking it was never revealed in the comics. Yeah I’m going to direct you to the 2001 mini-series Origin that reveals his childhood and his date of birth. He whines about X-Men The Last Stand some more and thinks this one will be better… HAHAHAH NO!
Number 2: Dragon Ball Evolution
Really Bores? Last year you might have been excited with the only photos being studio shots but here we have trailers and actual photos from the film. How could you still think this would be good? “This will likely be the first installment of this epic adventure” BAHAHAHA he is retarded isn’t he? Oh it gets worse, he comments on the “hardcore fans” complaining about the changes but points out if he directed the movie this is what he would have done. Yeah you’re not a fan Bores quit lying you scam artist.
Number 1: G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra
Whatever IG says here won’t have that much impact, GI Joe just came out today and the reception so far is mixed and there isn’t a big consensus so far. Oh found another mispronunciation, pictures is now “pichures.” Haha Bores believes this will be the biggest blockbuster of the summer just because it’s GI Joe. I’ll rebuttal that statement pointing out my sister had no idea GI Joe was an animated cartoon from the 80s so the only people that exclaimed DAY ONE are the hardcore fans.
IG ends it saying he’ll review all these movies, and as of 8/7/2009 he’s only reviewed 5 of them. Wow this was a really bad list, Chris Bores needs better taste in movies and not just comic book films or “over-the-top CGI effects” there are those movies that just rely on good old camera work, like The Hangover (I highly recommend this movie it’s fucking hilarious).
Skipping over more Ghost Hunting bullcrap we’ve reached his review of Watchmen, will it live up to the #8 spot? Look at the title by the way, “The Watchmen” there’s no “The” in the title you prick.
Opening Line: “I went and seen Watchmen on opening weekend” HAHAHA just like Ghosts N Goblins the use of poor grammar in the first line! HAHAHA
IG says people kept asking what he thought (again, stop saying you have fans it’s not working) and he thought it was “just okay.” I should remind you Bores never read the comic so many of the complaints are utter asspulls.
Bores whines that they put all the best scenes in the trailer making it look cooler then it was. Do I even have to explain EVERYTHING wrong with that? Of course the trailers were made to look cool THAT’S HOW THEY GET PEOPLE TO SEE THE MOVIE! WHY DO YOU PISS ME OFF SO MUCH? *crowd cheers*
Oh he knows that’s what they do with trailers but it still pissed him off, just like being annoyed at the jungle level in Home Improvement despite a legitimate explanation. God damn it.
IG starts to whine about the length saying they should have cut an hour out, does Bores know this is based off a very successful comic book with multiple plot elements intertwined into a long and enjoyable story? Zack Snyder did his best to capture the essence of the book but you can’t fit everything into a 2 and a Half Hour film! You’re complaining that there’s too much story when a real fan would normally complain about what was removed WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? He ends this complaint saying there were too many speeches side-tracking from the plot, and he does know these “long speeches” were in the book right?
Bores starts ranting on the flashbacks complaining about the non-linear story structure and it leaves audiences confused. Dude the flashbacks happened like that because they happened in the BOOK! He calls himself a film director saying it’s important not to tell stories like that FUCK YOU! Oh it gets worse, after whining about the non-linear structure he says “It’s not as bad as Pulp Fiction.” Yeah, Chris Bores has the balls to bash Pulp Fiction because he couldn’t keep up with the story. YOU ARE NOT A FILM DIRECTOR BORES SHUT THE FUCK UP!
NOW he starts whining about the placement of the flashbacks, saying they should have been shown at the beginning of the movie and NOT as the book intended WH IDL:fasjfkl;asjkl;dl;zsdfj;ardjkl;asekl;sfj *static* I didn’t know a movie review would piss him off like this, we need sedatives and fast!
Rant on Dr. Manhattan’s blue pipe and how unnecessary it was, screw it he never read the book. He understands the message it conveyed but if the movie was shorter it would be more powerful, my question is WHAT MESSAGE? His final verdict says to just rent the movie because it was too long waaaaaah.
This review was … unbelievably bad, just jaw-dropping in how uninformed and rage-inducing it was. Nearly every comment yelled at him to read the book but Bores has severe ADD so I doubt that will happen.
Next time on Irate Gamer Sucks his review of Sonic Unleashed on the Xbox 360 (the first non-Nintendo game review since ET), a review of the movie Knowing, and Part 1 of the now defunct History of Video Games series, and yes he attempted to tell the History of Gaming, the man who believes the Genesis came out after the Super Nintendo.
The list is split into two parts like last time despite the total length being 6 Minutes and 1 Second (lazy lazy lazy).
Number 10: Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Of course Bores doesn’t use the subtitle, just “Night at the Museum 2.” He liked the first one and sees the hope for more characters, effects, and… well just characters and effects.
Number 9: Angels & Demons
Pfft HAHAHAHA this movie was utter garbage! Bores says this film is similar to National Treasure, The Da Vinci Code, and DuckTales. Yeah when I think of corruption in the Catholic Church I think DuckTales (blah). He doesn’t know the plot because he never read the book but thinks the film will be good since it’s from the same people behind The Da Vinci Code (this movie sucked as well moron).
Number 8: Watchmen
Hold on, Watchmen wasn’t a summer movie, it came out in March. He even acknowledges it’s not a summer movie… GAH. Bores confesses he never read “any of the Watchmen comics” (implying that it was an on-going series not a 12 Issue Epic) but has heard good things and says the movie will be good from the trailer. Man, wait until I get to the review itself that’s going to be a doozy.
Number 7: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Hey he actually used the subtitle, too bad this movie was equal to the dog shit I stepped in last week. Bores’ two complaints with the first movie were indistinguishable robots and bad camera angles for the fight scenes and he hopes they fix it for this one, yeah that didn’t happen. He believes the film will have a solid plot (HAHAHAHA) and is excited for Devastator causing damage (except he was only there for 3 minutes).
Number 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Or as Bores calls it “Harry Potter Movie 6” at least make an attempt to look professional you sack of lard. “Judging by the Movie Trailer, this one should be awesome.” To my readers, have you ever heard of Pan’s Labyrinth? A foreign fantasy film written and directed by Guillermo del Toro known for the Hellboy films and Mimic. The trailers made it out to be a fun family film but the actual film was a disturbing, violent, and very Grimm-esque Fairy Tale. This movie is the perfect example on why you should NEVER trust a trailer. Something Chris Bores always relies on.
I’m getting off track here let’s continue, he says there will be effects, action (as he shows a picture of Malfoy looking in a mirror), and all the characters. Yeah he didn’t explain why these are good he just said it. Are you even trying anymore?
Number 5: Knowing
Time to consult the Nicholas Cage Plot Generator! Seriously Bores why is your annunciation so bizarre? “Nicholas Cage finds a time capsule with a note IN IT… that foretells every disaster that’s going to happen” it’s like a kid on a sugar rush it’s just weird. He hopes it lives up the hype (that never existed).
Number 4: Star Trek
“I was never a big fan of the original series” yeah I’m not commenting on that. “But once I saw the movie trailer for this movie, I was blown away” I'll let that one sink in. He says the casting looks great (why) and with JJ Abrams it should be good (why?) At least explain why that stuff looks good don’t just say it’s going to be good and call it a day.
Number 3: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Bores doesn’t use the “X-Men Origins” title for some odd reason. IG believes this movie will reveal the secret origin of Wolverine thinking it was never revealed in the comics. Yeah I’m going to direct you to the 2001 mini-series Origin that reveals his childhood and his date of birth. He whines about X-Men The Last Stand some more and thinks this one will be better… HAHAHAH NO!
Number 2: Dragon Ball Evolution
Really Bores? Last year you might have been excited with the only photos being studio shots but here we have trailers and actual photos from the film. How could you still think this would be good? “This will likely be the first installment of this epic adventure” BAHAHAHA he is retarded isn’t he? Oh it gets worse, he comments on the “hardcore fans” complaining about the changes but points out if he directed the movie this is what he would have done. Yeah you’re not a fan Bores quit lying you scam artist.
Number 1: G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra
Whatever IG says here won’t have that much impact, GI Joe just came out today and the reception so far is mixed and there isn’t a big consensus so far. Oh found another mispronunciation, pictures is now “pichures.” Haha Bores believes this will be the biggest blockbuster of the summer just because it’s GI Joe. I’ll rebuttal that statement pointing out my sister had no idea GI Joe was an animated cartoon from the 80s so the only people that exclaimed DAY ONE are the hardcore fans.
IG ends it saying he’ll review all these movies, and as of 8/7/2009 he’s only reviewed 5 of them. Wow this was a really bad list, Chris Bores needs better taste in movies and not just comic book films or “over-the-top CGI effects” there are those movies that just rely on good old camera work, like The Hangover (I highly recommend this movie it’s fucking hilarious).
Skipping over more Ghost Hunting bullcrap we’ve reached his review of Watchmen, will it live up to the #8 spot? Look at the title by the way, “The Watchmen” there’s no “The” in the title you prick.
Opening Line: “I went and seen Watchmen on opening weekend” HAHAHA just like Ghosts N Goblins the use of poor grammar in the first line! HAHAHA
IG says people kept asking what he thought (again, stop saying you have fans it’s not working) and he thought it was “just okay.” I should remind you Bores never read the comic so many of the complaints are utter asspulls.
Bores whines that they put all the best scenes in the trailer making it look cooler then it was. Do I even have to explain EVERYTHING wrong with that? Of course the trailers were made to look cool THAT’S HOW THEY GET PEOPLE TO SEE THE MOVIE! WHY DO YOU PISS ME OFF SO MUCH? *crowd cheers*
Oh he knows that’s what they do with trailers but it still pissed him off, just like being annoyed at the jungle level in Home Improvement despite a legitimate explanation. God damn it.
IG starts to whine about the length saying they should have cut an hour out, does Bores know this is based off a very successful comic book with multiple plot elements intertwined into a long and enjoyable story? Zack Snyder did his best to capture the essence of the book but you can’t fit everything into a 2 and a Half Hour film! You’re complaining that there’s too much story when a real fan would normally complain about what was removed WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? He ends this complaint saying there were too many speeches side-tracking from the plot, and he does know these “long speeches” were in the book right?
Bores starts ranting on the flashbacks complaining about the non-linear story structure and it leaves audiences confused. Dude the flashbacks happened like that because they happened in the BOOK! He calls himself a film director saying it’s important not to tell stories like that FUCK YOU! Oh it gets worse, after whining about the non-linear structure he says “It’s not as bad as Pulp Fiction.” Yeah, Chris Bores has the balls to bash Pulp Fiction because he couldn’t keep up with the story. YOU ARE NOT A FILM DIRECTOR BORES SHUT THE FUCK UP!
NOW he starts whining about the placement of the flashbacks, saying they should have been shown at the beginning of the movie and NOT as the book intended WH IDL:fasjfkl;asjkl;dl;zsdfj;ardjkl;asekl;sfj *static* I didn’t know a movie review would piss him off like this, we need sedatives and fast!
Rant on Dr. Manhattan’s blue pipe and how unnecessary it was, screw it he never read the book. He understands the message it conveyed but if the movie was shorter it would be more powerful, my question is WHAT MESSAGE? His final verdict says to just rent the movie because it was too long waaaaaah.
This review was … unbelievably bad, just jaw-dropping in how uninformed and rage-inducing it was. Nearly every comment yelled at him to read the book but Bores has severe ADD so I doubt that will happen.
Next time on Irate Gamer Sucks his review of Sonic Unleashed on the Xbox 360 (the first non-Nintendo game review since ET), a review of the movie Knowing, and Part 1 of the now defunct History of Video Games series, and yes he attempted to tell the History of Gaming, the man who believes the Genesis came out after the Super Nintendo.
Thursday, 6 August 2009
It’s been over 3 months since the Monster Party review, the haters waited for more parody material while the fans were chomping at the bit. To tide them over until the review came out, Bores held a contest giveaway. What do we win and how do we get it? Well let’s see this 48 second video for the answers.
Well to “give back to his fans” (Pfft) he’s giving away free T-shirts and DVDs, and all you have to do is subscribe and “someone” will pick random winners. Damn, Bores is a conniving douchebag. By cleaning out his backlog of unwanted shirts and DVDs he earns more subscribers that the public can’t see, how thoughtful, though a large amount of his subscribers are his haters and sockpuppet accounts.
Before releasing his next review he made a little video to announce the next episode and why it took so long. The reasons for the delay include the length as it’s a “Double-Sized Episode” (bullshit) and he acquired assistance for the effects delaying it longer (wouldn’t having more help mean less time?) He finally found someone stupid enough to draw a title card, or as he calls it “poster,” announcing the review as Aladdin for the Super Nintendo. More contest crap and phony thanks before closing out (this video had 3 cuts meaning this simple thank you video required multiple takes, what the fuck?)
One more thing, look at the shirt Bores is wearing. This video came out January 30th and the Aladdin review February 14th, I’m mentioning this because he wore the same shirt in both reviews. I’ll give a possible explanation at the end of this rant.
Theme: Bores decided to go with something different for this episode, a recolored Mega Man sprite running through different video game backgrounds set to an “8-Bit” rendition of his theme. I’m going to say something controversial, I’d rather see 200 Mary Sue recolored Sonic sprites then Mega Man altered to be Chris Bores. The animation on the sprite is very poor, kind of like an old sprite flash on Newgrounds. The intro ends with a “Start-Up Screen” and he chooses “Continue” hold on a sec, isn’t this the beginning of the review? Why does he need to AH FORGET IT!
0:31 – 1:24: Bores and The Sage Douche from Contra are in the desert, the Sage bought a map leading to treasure prompting IG to ‘joke’ “For a Wise Sage you sure have your fair share of dumbass attacks” and that’s not the worst of it folks. By the way this desert is just a slightly altered picture of the Windows Desktop “Red Moon Desert” showing even more laziness in his work.
Bores finds the Aladdin cartridge and starts cleaning it with his elbow (whaaa) wishing they could get back home and suddenly a special effect!
1:24 – 2:14: Oh they were being transported home by… a genie from the cartridge! This Genie is one of the absolute WORST actors I’ve ever seen, but unlike Bores’ awkward dialect the Genie is so bad it’s hilarious. Since Bores rubbed the “magic game” he gets three wishes and was granted the first one. The Sage asks for three wishes, gets them, and asks for his life back. It is granted so the Sage goes to “get drunk and find some bitches.” Yeah even The Sage himself hated that line as he commented on themorshushow’s channel using that as a joke excuse.
2:15 – 2:29: The Genie asks for Bores’ second wish but IG says that will wait as he has another game to review, because everyone plays games they find in the desert carrying a genie. The Genie responds with the 2nd Worst Joke uttered in an Irate Gamer episode.
The Genie: Very well, but don’t take too long my rug is double parked outside.
Ohhhh man I can find at least 3 things wrong with this “joke.”
1: It isn’t a rug it’s a carpet, I know that’s a little nit-picky but in Disney’s Aladdin it’s called a Magic Carpet not a rug. If he wants to stay true to the game he should get it right.
2: Genies don’t need a Magic Carpet they can fly! In fact the Genie is doing that in the video!
3: It doesn’t fit in the continuity! If Bores wants this to be TV quality he needs to read over the scripts! Since the Genie was in the desert and they teleported to Bores’ room the Genie didn’t come here by Magic Carpet! It’s even worse since this only happened ONE MINUTE AGO!
Okay I’ve ranted enough about this let’s move on.
2:32 – 2:43: Bores points out that Aladdin is just another “run-of-the mill game based off a movie” and because of this it’s going to suck. He comments it’s not as bad as it could have been but there’s a lot that pisses him off.
2:44 – 3:08: IG’s first bitchfest is on the Apples, saying they’re useless only stunning the enemies. Gee dude maybe you should JUMP ON THEM? Besides you don’t have to stun them to kill them you can just jump on them. I would also like to point out he’s complaining about something that stays true to the film, and a huge contradiction will show up. He ends this rant with “It’s like taking a shit on a bunch of apples, and calling it apple dumplings” and again I ask the IG Fanboys how his lack of toilet humor makes him better?
3:08 – 4:05: Okay the next part is the most mind-numbingly moronic rant I’ve ever seen in my life. Bores begins whining about Abu following you and not doing anything to help, bitching that he doesn’t help with the boss fights and is just useless. He pisses him off so much he wants to throw him across the screen and demonstrates it.
*slams head against wall so hard it alters reality* Why? Why would you bitch about something so insignificant? Anyone that has played this game would NOT notice Abu following you; they would pay attention to the game itself. This is a children’s game based off a children’s movie, and it wants to stick close to the source material because it’s Capcom and they kick ass! The worst part is that he’s not done with Abu, he has more to say! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
4:06 – 4:49: IG shows that beating a level has a little animation where Abu eats an apple and “hopes” it’s not one of his. Oh but he decides to make a drawn-out joke out of this completely miniscule part of the game. Bores does some mask editing to make it look like Abu is eating the apples in Aladdin’s inventory prompting Bores to “throw him across the screen” as he threatened earlier. By the way Bores, yelling “Get Over Here” in a Mortal Kombat voice does not make you badass and it only works with Scorpion using his spear.
God he spent way too long whining about Abu, this isn’t a game review, this is the equivalent of an art snob looking at the Campbell Soup painting and spending 20 minutes ranting about a tiny white speck that’s different from the others. THERE’S NO FUCKING POINT!
5:09 – 5:48: After explaining the collectable jewels Bores complains that the Red Ones are always out your reach citing an example from the first level, he says he’ll do a running start but walks over and jumps missing on purpose. He does know there’s a run button right? He decides to try again but from a high platform (and he makes this ugly frog face) but instead of running or using the R button to hover he purposely misses AGAIN! Someone pointed out in the comments that you can hover, Bores responded saying he knows he thought it would be funnier to miss on purpose. Yes because it’s funny to convince people even further you’re a lying HACK with a large majority of HATERS! WHY DO YOU PISS ME OFF SO MUCH?
WARNING: What follows is the absolute worst joke in an Irate Gamer video, and maybe one of the worst jokes of all time. Discretion to Your Sanity is Advised.
5:48 – 5:52: “Ugh, somebody call 911 because I was ROBbed” as he holds up ROB. The worst part is that people found it funny, there are people brain dead enough to consider that a legitimate joke. It’s all over, the world is ending! Idiots as far as the eye can see! Floods! Hurricanes! Nuclear Detonations! It’s all crumbling to an extinction of - *slapped* I’m sorry for that folks I’ll attempt to collect myself for the remainder of this rant.
5:52 – 6:21: What was this about again? Oh right the Red Jewels. Bores continues to whine the gems are impossible and the “prize” is terrible as you only get alternate ending credits. Well I checked and the regular credits are very short and just show Aladdin and Jasmine flying, the special credits show Aladdin going through the game. Not to mention it’s a great incentive for replay value and that’s why we play video games you fat fuck!
6:22 – 6:29: Bores believes a better prize would be an alternate character noting Abu and Jafar. Ooooh yeah because the main villain fighting himself and rescuing the princess he wants to kill/screw is a great idea for a WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU FAT SACK OF WHORE?
6:30 – 7:10: Time for another pointless sketch! The Sage returns dead but doesn’t say why (Third Rate Gamer: You’re dead, how did that happen? “Flashster”: I don’t know, but its funny right?) The Sage asks his second wish to be life… again, it’s granted and Bores says to stick around with the response “I should, I just got the first season of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman on DVD” yeah I don’t get the joke either.
7:11 – 7:41: IG reaches Stage 2 and bitches that the logs are too slow and the bats are deadly. Note how he’s not jumping across the logs and he’s deliberately jumping into the bats to die. Only to tell another FUCKING LAME joke with that unfunny devil character that Bores insists is the greatest thing he’s ever thought up!
7:41 – 8:05: In the cave escape stage IG “guarantees” you’ll hate this stage. Dude stop guaranteeing something will happen you’re not George Zimmer. He points out touching anything will kill you and quoting “Touch the Ceiling you die, touch the Ground you die, touch the lava you die!” Ignoring the “DUH Factor” of lava being lethal that quote is directly lifted from the AVGN’s Silver Surfer review. People attempted to defend this saying “There’s no other way to describe this level” seriously? There’s no other way to describe this? Watch this you cocksuckers and weep.
“Now Stage 3 is kind of difficult as you have to avoid the lava stream coming towards you and the multiple walls, ramming into one will result in a lost life.” See I can do it too it’s not that hard.
However Bores tries to defend this scene with the utterly stupid claim “I haven’t watched the AVGN in two years” but I’ll go into that bullshit much later.
8:06 – 8:30: Bores continues whining about the stages as the next ones “didn’t happen in the movie” including a Genie stage which is SUPPOSED to be the song he sings as evidenced by the DAMN BACKGROUND MUSIC! Then a filler stage made to increase the length of the game because “it didn’t happen in the movie.” Wait wait wait, you’re complaining about these stages for not being like the movie yet you spent most of the review whining about Abu following you WHICH HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE! Irate Gamer logic ladies & gentlemen, it would make Spock’s head explode.
8:31 – 8:43: Cutting back to fat & fatter, Bores wants his second wish to at the end of the game. Which doesn’t require magic or even a Game Genie as the game uses passwords AND has a Level Select Cheat.
8:44 – 9:18: Bores explains how to defeat Jafar and his Snake form complaining it was too easy *smashes nearby TV* WHAT THE FUCK? Throughout this review you were moaning about the difficulty but now you’re whining that it’s too easy? God there’s enough hypocrisy to demolish the Great Wall of China it’s massive!
Bores wishes the game was more of a challenge and since he has no originality it turns out the Genie is an asshole and brings the snake into the real world where – Oh God that’s not convincing at all, this snake makes the Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie Monsters look like the Michael Bay Transformers. Despite the snake being a cobra and thus have the inability to constrict people it wraps up Bores attempting to kill him. The Sage returns and is somehow killed by the snake, while Bores struggles in the phoniest resistance possible.
The Sage has had enough and for his last wish he wants it so they never met The Genie. He responds in a “So Bad It’s Hysterical” way and grants the wish, sending them back to the desert. You see the same situation as before with the douchenozzles lost but this time without a map. Since there’s only a few seconds left Bores just ends it saying they’re going home and it’s finally fucking over!
But wait, a real credit sequence! After crediting the cast we see the CGI Snake was from Danielle Hackett (Ironic), the Mega Man sprites from Karbia Yuan (sounds fake) and the “8-Bit Theme” from a dedicated fan (obviously himself) and there’s a stinger! The Genie plots his revenge by hiding in Bores’ Game Genie, so he’ll be in the next review since IG always needs Game Genie. THIS VIDEO WAS HORRIBLE!
Double sized episode my ass it’s shorter then Monster Party! This really took two months? Bullshit! If a real filmmaker did this video it would’ve taken at least 2 weeks, because they wouldn’t be stupid enough to use a CGI Snake! Going back to that point about the same striped shirt in the Video Announcement I think it only took a few days to create, Bores is just a lazy twit and needed an excuse to tell his fans.
Though on a positive note he hasn’t made a video on this caliber of stupid in a LONG time and from the things I’ve heard it’ll be an even longer time. Until then we’ll just finish off all the episodes.
Next time his Top Ten Summer Films of 2009! Will it be a complete disaster like last year? All signs put to definitely so stay TUBED (hur hur hur, tubed).
Well to “give back to his fans” (Pfft) he’s giving away free T-shirts and DVDs, and all you have to do is subscribe and “someone” will pick random winners. Damn, Bores is a conniving douchebag. By cleaning out his backlog of unwanted shirts and DVDs he earns more subscribers that the public can’t see, how thoughtful, though a large amount of his subscribers are his haters and sockpuppet accounts.
Before releasing his next review he made a little video to announce the next episode and why it took so long. The reasons for the delay include the length as it’s a “Double-Sized Episode” (bullshit) and he acquired assistance for the effects delaying it longer (wouldn’t having more help mean less time?) He finally found someone stupid enough to draw a title card, or as he calls it “poster,” announcing the review as Aladdin for the Super Nintendo. More contest crap and phony thanks before closing out (this video had 3 cuts meaning this simple thank you video required multiple takes, what the fuck?)
One more thing, look at the shirt Bores is wearing. This video came out January 30th and the Aladdin review February 14th, I’m mentioning this because he wore the same shirt in both reviews. I’ll give a possible explanation at the end of this rant.
Theme: Bores decided to go with something different for this episode, a recolored Mega Man sprite running through different video game backgrounds set to an “8-Bit” rendition of his theme. I’m going to say something controversial, I’d rather see 200 Mary Sue recolored Sonic sprites then Mega Man altered to be Chris Bores. The animation on the sprite is very poor, kind of like an old sprite flash on Newgrounds. The intro ends with a “Start-Up Screen” and he chooses “Continue” hold on a sec, isn’t this the beginning of the review? Why does he need to AH FORGET IT!
0:31 – 1:24: Bores and The Sage Douche from Contra are in the desert, the Sage bought a map leading to treasure prompting IG to ‘joke’ “For a Wise Sage you sure have your fair share of dumbass attacks” and that’s not the worst of it folks. By the way this desert is just a slightly altered picture of the Windows Desktop “Red Moon Desert” showing even more laziness in his work.
Bores finds the Aladdin cartridge and starts cleaning it with his elbow (whaaa) wishing they could get back home and suddenly a special effect!
1:24 – 2:14: Oh they were being transported home by… a genie from the cartridge! This Genie is one of the absolute WORST actors I’ve ever seen, but unlike Bores’ awkward dialect the Genie is so bad it’s hilarious. Since Bores rubbed the “magic game” he gets three wishes and was granted the first one. The Sage asks for three wishes, gets them, and asks for his life back. It is granted so the Sage goes to “get drunk and find some bitches.” Yeah even The Sage himself hated that line as he commented on themorshushow’s channel using that as a joke excuse.
2:15 – 2:29: The Genie asks for Bores’ second wish but IG says that will wait as he has another game to review, because everyone plays games they find in the desert carrying a genie. The Genie responds with the 2nd Worst Joke uttered in an Irate Gamer episode.
The Genie: Very well, but don’t take too long my rug is double parked outside.
Ohhhh man I can find at least 3 things wrong with this “joke.”
1: It isn’t a rug it’s a carpet, I know that’s a little nit-picky but in Disney’s Aladdin it’s called a Magic Carpet not a rug. If he wants to stay true to the game he should get it right.
2: Genies don’t need a Magic Carpet they can fly! In fact the Genie is doing that in the video!
3: It doesn’t fit in the continuity! If Bores wants this to be TV quality he needs to read over the scripts! Since the Genie was in the desert and they teleported to Bores’ room the Genie didn’t come here by Magic Carpet! It’s even worse since this only happened ONE MINUTE AGO!
Okay I’ve ranted enough about this let’s move on.
2:32 – 2:43: Bores points out that Aladdin is just another “run-of-the mill game based off a movie” and because of this it’s going to suck. He comments it’s not as bad as it could have been but there’s a lot that pisses him off.
2:44 – 3:08: IG’s first bitchfest is on the Apples, saying they’re useless only stunning the enemies. Gee dude maybe you should JUMP ON THEM? Besides you don’t have to stun them to kill them you can just jump on them. I would also like to point out he’s complaining about something that stays true to the film, and a huge contradiction will show up. He ends this rant with “It’s like taking a shit on a bunch of apples, and calling it apple dumplings” and again I ask the IG Fanboys how his lack of toilet humor makes him better?
3:08 – 4:05: Okay the next part is the most mind-numbingly moronic rant I’ve ever seen in my life. Bores begins whining about Abu following you and not doing anything to help, bitching that he doesn’t help with the boss fights and is just useless. He pisses him off so much he wants to throw him across the screen and demonstrates it.
*slams head against wall so hard it alters reality* Why? Why would you bitch about something so insignificant? Anyone that has played this game would NOT notice Abu following you; they would pay attention to the game itself. This is a children’s game based off a children’s movie, and it wants to stick close to the source material because it’s Capcom and they kick ass! The worst part is that he’s not done with Abu, he has more to say! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
4:06 – 4:49: IG shows that beating a level has a little animation where Abu eats an apple and “hopes” it’s not one of his. Oh but he decides to make a drawn-out joke out of this completely miniscule part of the game. Bores does some mask editing to make it look like Abu is eating the apples in Aladdin’s inventory prompting Bores to “throw him across the screen” as he threatened earlier. By the way Bores, yelling “Get Over Here” in a Mortal Kombat voice does not make you badass and it only works with Scorpion using his spear.
God he spent way too long whining about Abu, this isn’t a game review, this is the equivalent of an art snob looking at the Campbell Soup painting and spending 20 minutes ranting about a tiny white speck that’s different from the others. THERE’S NO FUCKING POINT!
5:09 – 5:48: After explaining the collectable jewels Bores complains that the Red Ones are always out your reach citing an example from the first level, he says he’ll do a running start but walks over and jumps missing on purpose. He does know there’s a run button right? He decides to try again but from a high platform (and he makes this ugly frog face) but instead of running or using the R button to hover he purposely misses AGAIN! Someone pointed out in the comments that you can hover, Bores responded saying he knows he thought it would be funnier to miss on purpose. Yes because it’s funny to convince people even further you’re a lying HACK with a large majority of HATERS! WHY DO YOU PISS ME OFF SO MUCH?
WARNING: What follows is the absolute worst joke in an Irate Gamer video, and maybe one of the worst jokes of all time. Discretion to Your Sanity is Advised.
5:48 – 5:52: “Ugh, somebody call 911 because I was ROBbed” as he holds up ROB. The worst part is that people found it funny, there are people brain dead enough to consider that a legitimate joke. It’s all over, the world is ending! Idiots as far as the eye can see! Floods! Hurricanes! Nuclear Detonations! It’s all crumbling to an extinction of - *slapped* I’m sorry for that folks I’ll attempt to collect myself for the remainder of this rant.
5:52 – 6:21: What was this about again? Oh right the Red Jewels. Bores continues to whine the gems are impossible and the “prize” is terrible as you only get alternate ending credits. Well I checked and the regular credits are very short and just show Aladdin and Jasmine flying, the special credits show Aladdin going through the game. Not to mention it’s a great incentive for replay value and that’s why we play video games you fat fuck!
6:22 – 6:29: Bores believes a better prize would be an alternate character noting Abu and Jafar. Ooooh yeah because the main villain fighting himself and rescuing the princess he wants to kill/screw is a great idea for a WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU FAT SACK OF WHORE?
6:30 – 7:10: Time for another pointless sketch! The Sage returns dead but doesn’t say why (Third Rate Gamer: You’re dead, how did that happen? “Flashster”: I don’t know, but its funny right?) The Sage asks his second wish to be life… again, it’s granted and Bores says to stick around with the response “I should, I just got the first season of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman on DVD” yeah I don’t get the joke either.
7:11 – 7:41: IG reaches Stage 2 and bitches that the logs are too slow and the bats are deadly. Note how he’s not jumping across the logs and he’s deliberately jumping into the bats to die. Only to tell another FUCKING LAME joke with that unfunny devil character that Bores insists is the greatest thing he’s ever thought up!
7:41 – 8:05: In the cave escape stage IG “guarantees” you’ll hate this stage. Dude stop guaranteeing something will happen you’re not George Zimmer. He points out touching anything will kill you and quoting “Touch the Ceiling you die, touch the Ground you die, touch the lava you die!” Ignoring the “DUH Factor” of lava being lethal that quote is directly lifted from the AVGN’s Silver Surfer review. People attempted to defend this saying “There’s no other way to describe this level” seriously? There’s no other way to describe this? Watch this you cocksuckers and weep.
“Now Stage 3 is kind of difficult as you have to avoid the lava stream coming towards you and the multiple walls, ramming into one will result in a lost life.” See I can do it too it’s not that hard.
However Bores tries to defend this scene with the utterly stupid claim “I haven’t watched the AVGN in two years” but I’ll go into that bullshit much later.
8:06 – 8:30: Bores continues whining about the stages as the next ones “didn’t happen in the movie” including a Genie stage which is SUPPOSED to be the song he sings as evidenced by the DAMN BACKGROUND MUSIC! Then a filler stage made to increase the length of the game because “it didn’t happen in the movie.” Wait wait wait, you’re complaining about these stages for not being like the movie yet you spent most of the review whining about Abu following you WHICH HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE! Irate Gamer logic ladies & gentlemen, it would make Spock’s head explode.
8:31 – 8:43: Cutting back to fat & fatter, Bores wants his second wish to at the end of the game. Which doesn’t require magic or even a Game Genie as the game uses passwords AND has a Level Select Cheat.
8:44 – 9:18: Bores explains how to defeat Jafar and his Snake form complaining it was too easy *smashes nearby TV* WHAT THE FUCK? Throughout this review you were moaning about the difficulty but now you’re whining that it’s too easy? God there’s enough hypocrisy to demolish the Great Wall of China it’s massive!
Bores wishes the game was more of a challenge and since he has no originality it turns out the Genie is an asshole and brings the snake into the real world where – Oh God that’s not convincing at all, this snake makes the Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie Monsters look like the Michael Bay Transformers. Despite the snake being a cobra and thus have the inability to constrict people it wraps up Bores attempting to kill him. The Sage returns and is somehow killed by the snake, while Bores struggles in the phoniest resistance possible.
The Sage has had enough and for his last wish he wants it so they never met The Genie. He responds in a “So Bad It’s Hysterical” way and grants the wish, sending them back to the desert. You see the same situation as before with the douchenozzles lost but this time without a map. Since there’s only a few seconds left Bores just ends it saying they’re going home and it’s finally fucking over!
But wait, a real credit sequence! After crediting the cast we see the CGI Snake was from Danielle Hackett (Ironic), the Mega Man sprites from Karbia Yuan (sounds fake) and the “8-Bit Theme” from a dedicated fan (obviously himself) and there’s a stinger! The Genie plots his revenge by hiding in Bores’ Game Genie, so he’ll be in the next review since IG always needs Game Genie. THIS VIDEO WAS HORRIBLE!
Double sized episode my ass it’s shorter then Monster Party! This really took two months? Bullshit! If a real filmmaker did this video it would’ve taken at least 2 weeks, because they wouldn’t be stupid enough to use a CGI Snake! Going back to that point about the same striped shirt in the Video Announcement I think it only took a few days to create, Bores is just a lazy twit and needed an excuse to tell his fans.
Though on a positive note he hasn’t made a video on this caliber of stupid in a LONG time and from the things I’ve heard it’ll be an even longer time. Until then we’ll just finish off all the episodes.
Next time his Top Ten Summer Films of 2009! Will it be a complete disaster like last year? All signs put to definitely so stay TUBED (hur hur hur, tubed).
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