Back at E3 2010, Chris said he wasn’t impressed with Kirby’s Epic Yarn. He didn’t explain why but that’s standard for him. Five months later in his Donkey Kong Country Returns review he called Epic Yarn a “total let-down”. Once again he didn’t explain why he thought this.
So after receiving angry letters wondering why he thought this, Bores finally reviewed Kirby’s Epic Yarn. I should also mention he promised this would be out before Christmas, and today is… January 26th. Then again he can’t keep his promises at all.
Since the actual review is only three and half minutes long, I’ll cover that “preview” video he posted on his channel (which is only a minute long).
He mentions his line about the game in the DKCR review and that he “had a ton fans asking to review it”. That’s a kind way of saying a bunch of people asked “What the hell is wrong with you?” He also brings up the contest and he’ll announce a winner soon, yeah I don’t care. Onto the actual video.
0:08 - 0:28: He starts the video repeating exactly what he said in the preview video. How he called the game a let-down and “fans” wanted him to review and explain it. Again, it wasn’t the fans. It was people that know you’re not a gamer and wanted to know why you didn’t like this awesome game.
0:29 - 0:39: “I’ve always been a huge fan of the Kirby franchise since the first game was on the NES” *alarm rings* Finally it’s been a while since we’ve had blatant research failure. The first Kirby game was Kirby’s Dream Land on the Game Boy. Kirby’s Adventure was the follow-up. Thus proving that you’re not a fan and you’re once again you’re lying. Then some crap about how the concept is interesting.
YouTube Edit: Bores attempted to fix the line by changing it to "I've been a huge fan of the Kirby franchise ever since the first game I played on the NES". Still kind of awkward.
0:39 - 1:13: “But sadly, that concept is thrown by the wayside” Boo-frickin-hoo.
Bores goes on to explain how the game works, complaining that you can’t eat them anymore. He ends this part facepalming, and to make sure we get that’s what he’s doing a voice cries out “FACEPALM” with the word appearing in text. That… was weird.
1:14 - 1:54: He goes on to mention that the game is for kids. Yeeeeeah, Kirby was always intended for kids. Sakurai’s purpose with the original Kirby was to introduce younger kids to video games without too much of challenge. Oh wait, he means “little kids” because the music is light & fluffy (and it’s awesome, shut the hell up), the enemies are goofy (they’ve always been goofy! Look at King Dedede and tell me he‘s not goofy) and you can’t even die.
You, the person that CONSTANTLY complains about games being way too hard, is whining that this game is too easy. I knew it, I knew that when he announced he was reviewing this he would complain about the difficulty. Once again showing he’s not the Irate Gamer but the Unpleaseable Dickhead that whines whenever things don’t go his way.
He whines about one of the levels moving you ahead if you get hit by a lowering rooftop and does another facepalm, this time with the deep voice crying out “Double Facepalm”. It wasn’t funny the first time, it definitely wasn’t funny the second time, and knowing how predictable you are it won’t be funny the third time.
1:55 - 2:30: Despite his “disappointment” with this direction, he did find some upsides. Like how Kirby can automatically change into his classic forms. This is where his lack of Kirby knowledge really comes forth.
“A parachute” Kirby could never turn into a parachute. He used a parasol but those are completely different things.
“A car” Kirby never turned into a car. He could turn into a wheel or use a wheel as a weapon, but there’s big difference between a wheel and a car.
“A heavy weight” Not really. Sure in Super Smash Bros there was a possibility of his Down+B move being a heavy weight, but in the actual Kirby games he was mostly a stone.
*Update: Turns out he can become a weight in Kirby Super Star. So 1 out of 4.
“A submarine” Once again, this never happened. Stop saying you’re a fan of franchises when you clearly aren’t.
He also brings up the special areas where Kirby can transform into various vehicles, he liked them but hoped there was more of them. What? There was plenty of them. At least every other stage had one, and this game has a lot of stages.
2:31 - 2:41: Chris compliments the visuals and believes that Nintendo is competing with the “Little Big” franchise.
Okay first of all it’s called “Little Big Planet” not “Little Big”. Second of all NO. Considering that Kirby has existed for years and LBP is relatively new. Plus, Kirby’s Epic Yarn doesn’t have a stage creator or online community, you know the selling points of the LBP series?
2:42 - 3:02: IG then brings up the large amount of secret levels and complains that there’s too many.
Wow, that is one of the dumbest things he’s ever said. That’s definitely up there with “What the fuck is a muscle” or “Why couldn’t the easy setting be more easy?” I don’t know a single gamer that complains about too many levels or secrets. Again, you’re diving back into Unpleasable Dickhead.
And because he’s a predictable dumbass, he facepalms again. This time a Triple Facepalm with a demon hand that will never be explained. Damn it, it’s almost over.
So the video ends with him complaining that if you’re going to take Kirby in a new direction it better “blow your socks off”. You’re an idiot! This new direction was awesome! What the hell is wrong with you?
Then he gives his final verdict of “Get it for a little kid, but if you’re an adult don’t get it”. So it’s perfect for all your fans, wow you do care for them.
0:39 - 1:13: “But sadly, that concept is thrown by the wayside” Boo-frickin-hoo.
Bores goes on to explain how the game works, complaining that you can’t eat them anymore. He ends this part facepalming, and to make sure we get that’s what he’s doing a voice cries out “FACEPALM” with the word appearing in text. That… was weird.
1:14 - 1:54: He goes on to mention that the game is for kids. Yeeeeeah, Kirby was always intended for kids. Sakurai’s purpose with the original Kirby was to introduce younger kids to video games without too much of challenge. Oh wait, he means “little kids” because the music is light & fluffy (and it’s awesome, shut the hell up), the enemies are goofy (they’ve always been goofy! Look at King Dedede and tell me he‘s not goofy) and you can’t even die.
You, the person that CONSTANTLY complains about games being way too hard, is whining that this game is too easy. I knew it, I knew that when he announced he was reviewing this he would complain about the difficulty. Once again showing he’s not the Irate Gamer but the Unpleaseable Dickhead that whines whenever things don’t go his way.
He whines about one of the levels moving you ahead if you get hit by a lowering rooftop and does another facepalm, this time with the deep voice crying out “Double Facepalm”. It wasn’t funny the first time, it definitely wasn’t funny the second time, and knowing how predictable you are it won’t be funny the third time.
1:55 - 2:30: Despite his “disappointment” with this direction, he did find some upsides. Like how Kirby can automatically change into his classic forms. This is where his lack of Kirby knowledge really comes forth.
“A parachute” Kirby could never turn into a parachute. He used a parasol but those are completely different things.
“A car” Kirby never turned into a car. He could turn into a wheel or use a wheel as a weapon, but there’s big difference between a wheel and a car.
“A heavy weight” Not really. Sure in Super Smash Bros there was a possibility of his Down+B move being a heavy weight, but in the actual Kirby games he was mostly a stone.
*Update: Turns out he can become a weight in Kirby Super Star. So 1 out of 4.
“A submarine” Once again, this never happened. Stop saying you’re a fan of franchises when you clearly aren’t.
He also brings up the special areas where Kirby can transform into various vehicles, he liked them but hoped there was more of them. What? There was plenty of them. At least every other stage had one, and this game has a lot of stages.
2:31 - 2:41: Chris compliments the visuals and believes that Nintendo is competing with the “Little Big” franchise.
Okay first of all it’s called “Little Big Planet” not “Little Big”. Second of all NO. Considering that Kirby has existed for years and LBP is relatively new. Plus, Kirby’s Epic Yarn doesn’t have a stage creator or online community, you know the selling points of the LBP series?
2:42 - 3:02: IG then brings up the large amount of secret levels and complains that there’s too many.
Wow, that is one of the dumbest things he’s ever said. That’s definitely up there with “What the fuck is a muscle” or “Why couldn’t the easy setting be more easy?” I don’t know a single gamer that complains about too many levels or secrets. Again, you’re diving back into Unpleasable Dickhead.
And because he’s a predictable dumbass, he facepalms again. This time a Triple Facepalm with a demon hand that will never be explained. Damn it, it’s almost over.
So the video ends with him complaining that if you’re going to take Kirby in a new direction it better “blow your socks off”. You’re an idiot! This new direction was awesome! What the hell is wrong with you?
Then he gives his final verdict of “Get it for a little kid, but if you’re an adult don’t get it”. So it’s perfect for all your fans, wow you do care for them.
YouTube Edit: Bores added a scene where an angry Kirby appears, looks at him and then eats him. Somehow Kirby only ate his torso and decides not to swallow him. Bores then signs off instead of screaming in agony since he NO LONGER HAS LEGS!
Honestly did he care when making this scene? Obviously not.
Good lord was this terrible. I predicted that when Bores would review this, he’d complain about the difficulty, making him a major hypocrite. Goes to show how predictable he truly is. Maybe his obsession with food wouldn’t allow him to like it. I don’t know, all I know is that Bores is a god damn moron. Plus that facepalm joke was just… ugh.
*sighs* Knowing how IG works, we’ll probably see another video in three months. Maybe another one of those lame “Top 10 Summer Movie” lists that continue to show Bores has just as much taste in movies as he does games. I’ll see you all later.
Good lord was this terrible. I predicted that when Bores would review this, he’d complain about the difficulty, making him a major hypocrite. Goes to show how predictable he truly is. Maybe his obsession with food wouldn’t allow him to like it. I don’t know, all I know is that Bores is a god damn moron. Plus that facepalm joke was just… ugh.
*sighs* Knowing how IG works, we’ll probably see another video in three months. Maybe another one of those lame “Top 10 Summer Movie” lists that continue to show Bores has just as much taste in movies as he does games. I’ll see you all later.
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