Wait wait wait, a new Irate Gamer episode is actually out? And it only took a month? Wow, I’m shocked. Maybe he’s figured out that 6 month long breaks is fucking idiotic and… wait how long is this episode? 5 minutes and 48 seconds?! Oh no, there’s going be zero effort put into this isn’t there? *sighs*
Before I get into the episode, I should bring up that Bores announced his self-indulgent contests will now be a weekly occurrence. I normally don’t do posts about his contests because the videos are only a minute and they’re an obvious trap for him to get subscribers. In the end only his ultra-hardcore white knights win, making it obvious how much of a scam it really is. The items aren’t even worth it. Puke-colored t-shirts and mouse pads?
Onto the video. According to the title he’s covering Masters of the Universe: The Power of He-Man for the Atari 2600 and Intellivision. Oh so he’s doing a reverse of the Kool-Aid videos from a long while back. Here he did an I Rate the 80s first then an IG episode. I’m still confused if those two are supposed to be “connected”.
0:01 - 0:46: The video opens right away to IG playing his Atari 2600. Apparently he’s playing the NES version Dig Dug on there. Oh great, one second in and he’s making himself look like a TV show that puts stock music over completely different games.
Then there’s a knock on the door. Maybe we’ll finally get Bores n’ Doors material?
On the other side it’s … a sage. No, not Eric Allen, but Bores dressed as another new character. He claims to have traveled many miles to give him a sword.
IG looks at it and sees the words “Sword of Inferno” on- WAIT A MINUTE! We saw both sides of the sword before he grabbed it and there was no writing on the hilt! Great, I can see what kind of awfulness we’re in for.
IG looks back up and finds the sage gone. *looks bored* Oh uh, ooooooooh spooky!
He walks back inside and tells ROB about the sword. Really? Are we really doing another ROB sidekick? At least make him stand out, make him snarky, or secretly plot to kill him, just seeing him sitting there is boring!
“It kind of inspires me to do an old-school game” That’s all you do! Considering Neo is a separate series, all you do here is old-school games. Ugh, not even a minute in. This is going to be awful.
*insert theme “song” here*
0:50 - 1:46: He very briefly explains the game (head to the right and shoot stuff) and says the goal is to keep going right until the timer drops down to zero.
“This shouldn’t take too long” Let me guess, it does take a long time and it will end with IG getting “angry”
*starts playing “waiting” music* Space aliens can telegraph these jokes!
As he’s “playing”, his room gets darker. Oh I see, he’s supposed to be playing into the night even though he obviously used stage effects to make it look darker.
He stops this gag and speeds up the footage to get to Castle Grayskull. It cuts to IG wearing a fake beard. Why do I get the feeling this doesn’t take that long and he’s just reaching for jokes?
1:46 - 3:00: He says the goal is to reach the other side without touching the pillars or getting shot. Cue brief montage of him unable to reach the other side, I’m pretty sure he’s walking into those on purpose.
“Looks like I need help for this one” Too bad the 2600 doesn’t have a Game Genie, oh well!
No, instead this prompts a sketch. IG looks at the sword and decides to try something. He does the He-Man battle cry (only he says Inferno instead of Grayskull) and… changes shirts. Well, it’s a step above no changes at all like the action figure video but really? The best this “transformation” does is give him the same exact shirt but in red?
So, Bores feels the need to spend money on a Kool-Aid Man costume, a Skeletor cloak, a black body suit, a bunch of wigs and beards, overalls that no 31 year old man should EVER be wearing, but he won’t spend a dime on a He-Man costume with fake muscles? They do exist, I’ve checked. This is just Bores being lazy again.
IG looks at ROB, shoots him with his sword and… nothing happens. Huh?
“Alright Battle Bot, let’s try this again” What? Battle Bot? What does that… Oh lord you can’t be serious. He made ROB a parallel to Cringer, and he just turned him into Battle Cat. What is with this ROB love? Turning him good, having him solve the “robot crisis”, making him a sidekick. This feels like Bores trying to be retro again.
Also, when Cringer became Battle Cat, he actually changed! Well, maybe ROB has new abilities?
IG wins the game while the He-Man theme plays. Sooo how is the DVD version going to work? Are you going to have a cover of the song? Hello?
“That was worth wasting my time with, lame *throws controller*” You’re right Chris, this video is lame.
He takes out the cartridge and throws it to ROB who… destroys it with a laser. Nope, no changes at all! You taste the lack of effort.
3:01 - 3:30: He moves onto the same game for the Intellivision. He notes it plays the same except for Skeletor at the bottom “distracting you”. Prompting more “spechul effetz” with Skeletor running across the screen and IG flicking him away. Skeletor screams “I regret nothing!” How is it a video less than 6 minutes long feels padded?
3:30 - 3:58: He reaches the next part where He-Man goes through a field dodging things and reaches Skeletor, has a brief sword fight, and moves on to the same type of stage.
“Well that skeletal pansy-ass!” I can’t tell if he’s excited or angry.
ROB’s eyes glow but IG tells him to stand down.
3:59 - 4:45: IG goes through again and reaches Castle Grayskull, with some added music to make this “suspenseful” or something.
He goes through AGAIN, saying Skeletor is throwing everything at you. Giving us a lame gag of Skeletor throwing farm animals and somehow himself, because Bores thought screaming “I regret nothing” the first time was hilarious, that he should somehow put it in a second time.
He brings up the timer at the bottom, if you run out of time a tornado will appear and take you back to the beginning of the game. It reaches zero and nothing happens, instead of celebrating that he didn’t lose, IG creates a tornado by playing the Warp Whistle song from Super Mario Bros. 3. That’s not how it works! The Warp Whistle takes you forward, not back! Also, what did Bores do to not cause the tornado to appear? Glitch? Editing?
EDIT: Turns out that's the whistle music from Legend of Zelda, only sped-up a little. The whistle music in both games has the same melody, but tiny differences. Thanks to Keith for pointing this out.
4:46 - 5:09: IG beats the game, has had enough and decides to show it “the door”. “Epic” music starts playing as he goes out of his room, throws the game, and it somehow hits Not-Wilson outside. Laaaaaaame!
The video ends in a different location. That sage from earlier walks up to another sage and informs him he delivered the sword. The other sage, an older one with a Santa beard and a hard-to-understand voice (yes, he’s also played by Bores. Not that shocking) is pleased and says that IG and the sword will be enough to stop Shadow Overlord. Are we really doing this? … So yeah, IG is the chosen one! This is getting worse and worse.
The credit title card appears, but then we get a stinger. Ronnie (AGH) shows up, and since IG is an idiot he thinks it’s Skeletor (never mind the different voice and cloak) and prepares to fight him. Then… it ends.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Wow, this video was rushed in soooo many ways. Bores’ “super form” is lazy. He told us NOTHING about the games… again. The short length is a telling sign that he put zero effort into this.
He just seemed to completely forget about the robots from last time. Hell, the jarring transition from robots to sword & sorcery is enough to cause whiplash. Which makes it confusing since his site said this episode would be the “Robot War Aftermath”, nice to see that Bores LIED to us again. We don’t even get a reason for the change! What a joke.
Wait, powerful sages? Oh no, is he trying to bring The Dark Chapters to life?! This… is really REALLY going to suck.
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