E3 Part 1: Looks Like I'm Covering This After All

I’d like to announce that the Contra Part 2 recap will be up today. I’m actually going to work on it.

But first, here’s a brief recap of his E3 videos.

Interview with SWAG:
- Same old shit. Obviously SWAG is feeding him lines to say to keep up this charade that only idiots still believe. You’ll notice that Bores doesn’t speak until SWAG says certain keywords.

Donkey Kong Country Returns demo:
- BOOOOOORING! Though for some reason the video cuts off after Chris asks a question about the old bosses. My guess is that the presenter told him “Who the fuck cares?”

Nintendo Press Conference Part 1:
- Stop calling it a private conference, it’s not private if millions of people around the world can see it.
- Is it me or does he look really bored? Like “I don’t want to do this” bored.
- Wow, despite Bill saying “Wii Remote” over and over again, Bores somehow still calls it “Wii Joystick”. I don’t condone violence but can I “dope slap” him for being a dumbass?

Nintendo Press Conference Part 2:
- And if it wasn’t clear enough that he’s a fraud, he incorrectly names the Miis as “Wii Characters”. Come on, that’s just bad form man. What’s next, the 360 Avatars are “Xbox Characters”?
- According to Bores, “Mario’s Sports Mix” is going to have Link, Samus, Kirby, Zelda, Marth *gets info in earpiece* Oh. Apparently Bores is a moron that couldn’t say “Mario characters”.
-- I love how one comment tried defending him saying “but Diddy Kong isn’t a Mario character”. Foolish fanboy, the Donkey Kong series is a subsection of Mario. That’s why he has appeared in multiple Mario Kart and Mario Party games.
- Just gloss over the DS RPGs, it’s not like those games might actually be epic or awesome. DRAGON QUEST IS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR GREASY HANDS YOU… ahem. Moving on.

Nintendo Press Conference Part 3:
- “Wow, a new Kirby game. I’m so excited.” Seriously look at his expression, he looks beyond bored.
- Dude, enough with the forced reactions. You’re not excited at all.
- Of course people were anticipating the Metroid Other M trailer, it’s an already announced game that people are looking forward to!
- At least he had the decency to take the footage from other sites so we didn’t have to see the low quality camera footage.
- Uhhh Chris, the 3DS didn’t come out in stores. How can you review it “in the coming week”? Oh that’s right, you’re an idiot that doesn’t know the difference between a review and a preview. How silly of me to forget that.
- GAH FACE! Seriously that reaction was so fake. Just stop it.
- I’m surprised he didn’t show the army of women each holding a 3DS. Then again, he probably would have forced more of that “Aw yeah this is getting hawt” voice, and I don’t want to hear that.
- Really? Only those two games? What about Skyward Sword, Epic Mickey, Dragon Quest IX, Golden Sun: Dark Dawn, Metroid Other M, Kirby’s Epic Yarn? Once again, it seems like everything he knows about video games comes from Captain N (Donkey Kong was a minor villain, and Samus wasn’t in the show just Mother Brain).

God, I’m going to hate the “reviews” he’ll eventually release.
You know, I just realized why he calls them reviews. When he does Neo reviews, he spends the same amount of time playing those games and still calls it a full review.

Contra Part 2. Later today.