Redux Recap: Where's Waldo and the Talent? Bonus: MasterCard is pissed!

Before I start today’s recap, I’ll briefly talk about Bores’ newest bloopers video. It sucks.

Okay there’s more to it. The bloopers are the same “pausing in the middle” crap we’ve seen before. But he included an alternate scene from the latest video.
The scene where Bores thinks Luigi has diplomatic immunity originally had an even less funny joke. The “joke” in the video was Luigi pissing on the sidewalk, the alternate take was a parody of the MasterCard commercials. I’m not kidding, he somehow connected “I must have diplomatic immunity” to a MasterCard commercial. It still ended with Luigi taking a computer-generated piss on the sidewalk so it makes even less sense.

You know what this reminds me of, the absolute worst of Family Guy. This is like Something, Something, Something, Dark Side if done by retarded turkeys rather then retarded chimps. Why would you include a MasterCard parody? What’s the relevance?

I love how the idiot fans are saying “Where can I get an Irate MasterCard?” That’s not even clever, it’s like the Nostalgia Critic once said “You can’t just add the word ’land’ to something and expect it to be a fully developed, three dimensional world!” Same could be said here, adding “Irate” to something doesn’t make it special Chris.
How is an “Irate” MasterCard different from a regular one? Does it yell “dickwaffles” if you try to go over your credit limit? Once again, supporting my theory that he has completely forgotten the definition of the word “Irate”.

Now that I got that out of the way, let’s begin the Redux Recap of his Where’s Waldo video.

0:00 - 0:25: The video starts out with a history lesson, oh good I can catch up on my sleep. IG drones on about Waldo being immensely popular and how kids spent “hours” trying to find him. Maybe you spent hours considering how slow you work? Then in the following “weeks” came a slew of merchandise. *sighs* This line bothers me, but I can’t put my finger on why it does.

0:26 - 0:38: He takes out the NES cartridge and comments “Someone at THQ thought it would be a good idea to take this hit book series and turn it into a piece of shit video game.” To THQ’s credit, it was a good idea. Adapting something that’s popular to another medium will sell, no matter how bad it is. It’s called Marketing, it’s a basic business principle.

By the way, does this opening remind you of the AVGN’s Ghostbusters review? A history lesson talking about the franchise’s popularity, the ensuing merchandise, and getting to the crappy video game spin-off. This might be a bit of a reach… though plagiarism doesn’t limit itself to just “direct quotes” but concepts and ideas as well.

0:45: The review begins.

0:48 - 1:09: IG starts out on the Easy setting (which I should mention is insulting) and says it’s a pixilated mess. I’m bored already.

1:09 - 1:16: He repeats his “Someone at THQ…” line. Marketing 101 Chris, or how about Common Sense 101?

1:30 - 1:43: Holy crap! An actual complaint about the game! Okay, Bores mentions that the controls are slippery and it’s hard to position the cursor in the right spot.
I gotta be honest here, if Bores did more complaints like this then he might have improved over time. But no, he decided to stick with annoying cutaway gags, bitching about aspects that don’t effect the overall game, and being as vague as possible.

1:45 - 1:52: He finds Waldo and claims it would be easier to find cat shit. Cut to Bores finding a stock excrement image placed on the game screen and exclaiming “Hey there it is!”
To all his idiot fans that say he doesn’t use toilet humor: This is his second episode!

1:52 - 2:29: IG points out how long it takes for Waldo to get to his next destination, notice how Waldo is walking to The City and keep that in mind. We then get a montage of Bores “waiting” and somehow in the 10 seconds it takes for Waldo to reach his destination he obtains a watch to keep time, a can of soda, a bag of chips, and a toothbrush.
I understand this is for comedy, exaggerating how long it takes for Waldo to move from place to place, but this isn’t funny. It’s just not.
So Waldo ends up in The Cave. Remember when I said keep an eye on The City? Apparently Waldo can teleport to an earlier stage in the game, either that or inconsistent editing.

2:30 - 2:52: He starts talking about the cave stage and how it’s a complete crap shoot to find Waldo in the dark. You see, the cursor acts as a flashlight and when Waldo pops up you have to search the general area to find him. It’s not that hard compared to the rest of the levels.

2:53 - 2:58: He once again reminds us that “Someone at THQ blah blah good idea” but stops midway. What was the point of that?

2:59 - 3:23: IG wonders where all of Waldo’s friends are “Like Wizard Whitebeard, the dog, or the Evil Waldo” I mean, it’s not like the Evil Waldo was a minor character they introduced in the fifth season of the show, he was there right from the beginning. So there’s no excuse, there’s no ex-… Wow he really did steal a lot from the AVGN.
By the way Bores, Waldo was alone in the first two books and I doubt people cared about finding his friends.

3:24 - 4:00: Finally Bores reaches the last level and sees the ending with Waldo landing on the moon. He’s then “angered” that the game has no ending, and doesn’t understand why Waldo is on the moon.
Ugh… when you select your difficulty the first thing you see is Waldo holding a ticket to the moon and you have 5-10 minutes to get there (depending on the difficulty). Waldo landing on the moon means you beat the game, and that you won.
I know beating the game is a completely foreign concept to you but most of the time all you get is a single “You Win” screen, even the best games only give you that.

You have to love his acting in this scene. He’s just pushing his arms out like he wants a hug. At least it’s a step up from “Robotic Time Cop that’s somehow a parody of The Matrix instead of Time Cop.”

4:00 - 4:40: He ends the review saying the game should be placed on the moon with Waldo and asks why they couldn’t make a proper ending. He decides to make up an ending that’s honest about the game saying “Congratulations. You had the patience to sit through this awful game. You proved your nerdiness. Now go fuck yourself!” Okay I’m going to address this in the next redux recap, because there’s a BLATANT example of his plagiarism there.

4:40: Starts review of The Great Waldo Search for the SNES. What’s with the strange emphasis on the first letter of SNES?

4:50 - 5:01: He starts the game and wonders why it’s called The “Great” Waldo Search (it’s named after the book). His timing is so horrible “let’s not judge a book- uh I mean, a video game by its cover” I mean GOD!

5:01 - 5:21: “When you start the game, you’ll notice a vast improvement in graphics. It’s amazing compared to the original” as he shows a side-by-side with the NES game. Really, a 16-Bit console has better graphics then an 8-Bit console? What a scoop! I’ll bring this to the Tribune right away!
Headline: SNES games look better then NES games!
I mean really, you’re complimenting an SNES game for looking better then an NES game. That’s like playing Bionic Commando Rearmed and saying the graphics are a vast improvement over the NES version. It’s just… duhhhhh.

5:35 - 5:56: We cut to IG shaking his controller around (obviously NOT playing the game) and droning about how his “Irate nature is running on all 4 cylinders”. Man he’s really angry, you can tell by his boring and monotone voice. He continues droning that the game gets old and it should have been a side-scrolling adventure game, man he really does sound bored.

5:57 - 6:10: He gets “pissed off” that the game only has 5 levels while the NES game had more then that. Strange how when he’s talking normally he sounds interested, but when he’s “angry” he turns bored. A-List acting there Bores.

6:10 - 6:25: He decides to do some math *holds back laughter* noting that NES games back in the day (wait NES games?) cost blah blah blah I don’t care.

6:25 - 6:38: Now for the worst part of this video. “It’s pretty much a slap in the face when you have other NES games like Super Mario World, which has over 96 levels to explore and Donkey Kong Country which has over 100 unique levels”.
You heard right, Chris Bores called Super Mario World and Donkey Kong Country NES games. I won’t rage this time, but I will ask a simple question. How does anyone think he’s legit? This was his second episode, you’d think right off the bat someone would notice this and see he’s not a gamer.
I doubt it was a slip of the tongue either, notice earlier he put heavy emphasis on the “S” in SNES. He probably figured out he was wrong but it was too late to fix the later mistakes. You’d have to be like a soccer mom not to know the difference.
Oh and Super Mario World has 72 levels, a lot of them have an alternate exit thus 96 EXITS.

6:43 - 6:50: “It makes you wonder how quickly they slapped this game together in order for them to sell it to kids who were hoping they just purchased a great game.” Sounds exactly like your DVD.

6:51 - 6:58: “It says in the title GREAT Waldo Search!” Again, it’s based off the book of the same name. You think with all the “research” you did to rip off the A- I mean for your opening you would notice this.

So the review ends with Bores ranting that if he finds Waldo anywhere near his “NES System” again (Nintendo Entertainment System System?) he’ll kick his ass. What’s with the picture by the way? It shows his NES and SNES on top of his DVD player without controllers, and Donkey Kong Country is in the SNES not The Great Waldo Search. Whatever it’s just about over.
He “destroys” the games by… putting them through a paper shredder. Daaah physics what’s that? Do you think your audience is stupid enough to believe you can fit cartridges through a paper shredder? Well, I remember reading the comments to this video a while back and people actually asked “Did you really put your games in the shredder?” so yes his audience really is that stupid.

This review was just boring. He just droned on and on, and the whole second half is a clear cut sign that he was never a gamer.
Until the next Redux Recap (or when Bores releases something again, probably a vague movie review) I’ll see you later.