Redux Recap: This Post will Self-Destruct in *boom*

Has anyone ever noticed Bores seems to have something against Konami? Seriously a lot of the games he’s reviewed are from them or their doll company Ultra Games. Like today’s review, Mission: Impossible on the NES.

I played some of the game to see if it’s really that bad, and unsurprisingly it’s decent. Yes the game is hard, yes there are some cheap moments, but that’s standard from Konami. You get to switch between 3 characters at any time (kind of like TMNT) all with useful weapons and abilities.
The game is based on the short-lived 1988 TV series, a fact that few people seem to bring up.

So let’s see Bores complain some more, and this is the episode he claims to have figured out the direction he wants to take it. The irony is stunning.

0:00 - 0:12: The video starts with Bores asking “Is it possible for Mission Impossible to possibly be a good game? Possibly” Ladies & Gentlemen, bad writing at its finest. He follows that up with “Possi-fucking absolutely not! This game sucks ass! *throws game in fake anger*” Bad acting at its finest.
Possi-fucking absolutely?

0:13 - 0:27: He’s told the words “Your mission if you choose to accept it” and starts complaining that they don’t give him the option to decline it. Oh God that hurts my brain. If you don’t want to accept it, then turn off the NES.
Did you consider that they said that to stay accurate to the source material? Moron.

0:28 - 0:45: Apparently this pisses him off because you have to play the stages in order, and the statement would be accurate if he could choose the level like in Mega Man. Again, they’re trying to stay accurate to the TV show. How does this detract from the game’s quality?

0:45 - 1:11: He shows the storyline text and sees the “This Message will Self-Destruct” line and comments “ain’t that cute”.
Somehow this causes his NES to explode, get used to that effect people you’re going to see it a lot. Wait, what’s that cord? Son of a… he didn’t even edit out the controller’s cord! God that’s lazy and half-assed!
“Once you’re done replacing your Nintendo system” What about the game? How did it survive the explosion if it was the bomb? If you’re going to do stupid gags like this, double check them.

1:12 - 1:38: So he starts the actual review portion noting the camera angle is weird. I didn’t have a problem with it.
He also points out the civilians in the street and killing them will lose your character. He complains that it’s impossible to tell the difference between the spies and the civilians. Completely untrue, the spies are the ones that chase after you. It’s not even hard to tell, a big “YOU” appears over their head and they try to kill you. How is this a problem?

1:38 - 1:45: Now he complains that they get in the way when trying to kill the bad guys. Notice that he’s using a bomb to kill the bad guys, completely ignoring that he has a gun. Use the gun you moron!

1:45 - 1:51: “And don’t even think about walking in the street either! *gets hit by a car* FUCK!” What did you think was going to happen? Tom Cruise would appear and give you money?

1:52 - 2:07: Explaining the characters combined with his terrible skills.

2:07 - 2:12: “Now if you think is just another side-scrolling beat up the bad guys kind of game” Side-scrolling? Wow, that’s the most top-down side-scroller I’ve ever seen.

2:12 - 2:18: “In each of the levels, you’ll have to around fighting enemies and solving puzzles in order to advance in the game.” … Sounds like EVERY OTHER GAME EVER!

When I did the original recap, I didn’t think this video was that bad. With a fresh set of eyes, there’s a lot of stupid shit to be found.

2:19 - 2:40: Just explaining that the first level is difficult and he dies too much. Maybe it’s a problem with you and not the game?

2:40 - 2:44: Cut to Bores and his acting talents that would put Juilliard students to shame.

2:44 - 2:57: Here he explains what happens after you die and how you start the level over if you choose continue. Woah, what was that split-second shot at 2:56.

2:58 - 3:09: And now, the scene heard around the world.
Bores complains that he has to do everything all over again, and his response to that? “What a shitload of fuck!”
*shakes head* Shameful, just shameful. Now we know why he calls this episode the “direction he wanted to take the series”. Really I can’t say anything else about this scene, a lot of people have talked about it.

3:10 - 3:22: “Enough of this bullshit, time to find some passwords!” Are you kidding me? “Now if you decided to cheat or managed to get past level one” He’s not… holy shit he sucks.
“You’ll end up on level two”. I’m sorry DLAbaoaqu I have to borrow your bit just this once.
Teenage George Plimpton: I didn’t know!

3:23 - 3:36: Blah blah blah boat ride, blah blah blah full enemies like level one, and this line “enemies following you and trying to kill you” God this is stupid.

3:36 - 3:58: So Bores shows his wimpy side by getting his turbo controller. Wow, you really are a pussy.
Oh God, he’s doing it completely wrong. You’re supposed to HOLD the turbo button you ingrate!
Apparently he doesn’t know that mashing the turbo button only lets out 3 shots at a time. Seriously, this guy is not a gamer! If he was, he’d know that you HOLD the turbo button not mash it! Oh, and it’s the game’s fault that he can’t properly use turbo, of course it is.

4:00 - 4:15: He skips to level 3 and notices that he can just kill anyone he wants, leading to this pointless joke.
“So blast anything you want, this guy, this guy, or this guy *shows picture of Steve Urkel*”
Ugh that’s horrible. He didn’t even crop out Urkel, he just took a random image off Google and edited it into the game.

I should mention that a dumbass named iratefanboy345 (revealed to be a sock puppet account of The Bores) claimed the AVGN stole that joke from IG.

That’s a bullshit lie, this is the AVGN’s joke from the Die Hard review (the one he claims was stolen).
“So I’m going around trying to kill people, and Officer Carl Winslow keeps talking to me. So I’m just walking around waiting for random stuff to happen, then the police car blows up and I’m like ‘what does this have to do with anything?’ But then Steve Urkel comes on and I’m like what the fuck?”

Since Bores is too stupid to understand how a movie reference works, I’ll explain this to him.
Actor Reginald VelJohnson played Sgt. Powell in Die Hard, but he’s better known as Officer Carl Winslow on Family Matters, the show with Steve Urkel. A running joke was Urkel doing something bad and asking “Did I Do That?” So the joke works here, because it’s a reference to two roles that one actor played.
All Bores did, was randomly insert Urkel into the game without a reason. Then he just moves on like nothing happened. You fail Bores, you absolutely fail.

Oh man, I’m getting off-track. Let’s continue.

4:16 - 4:25: He starts complaining about Stage 3 having too many enemies, and says the first unintentionally hilarious line “It wouldn’t be a bad game if it wasn’t so damn hard.” Look Chris, there’s a difference between difficulty by design and broken difficulty. This game is the former.

4:26 - 4:43: He reaches a room with conveyer belts, he tries to cross with one character but falls. He tries to cross with a second character but BWHAAHAHA oh my god he fails so bad. He fell into the pit before reaching the conveyer belts. This isn’t an issue with controls either, he just sucks that bad.

4:44 - 5:10: Now he tries to cross the conveyer belts with the third character, while making a montage of it and splicing in footage that doesn’t match up with the screen at all. The second noticeable example of his Pac-Man Fever.
He succeeds in crossing the belts but is killed by two guys in armor (who he doesn’t try to fight back against).

The review ends with Bores expressing how pissed off he is and that he can’t continue. Yes, he is so pissed off that he has to talk in a normal tone of voice.
So he destroys the game by taking it outside, throwing it into the air, and firing a rocket from his Super Scope. Not only does this break the laws of physics since the game can’t be in the air for the amount of time the rocket is going (seriously it’s a slow-ass rocket) but when it hits the game there’s nothing there. Seriously, it just hits the air and blows up… something.

This review was stupid, he claims this is his first truly great video but he has no “truly great” videos.
Wait, if he was using passwords to get through the levels then why didn’t he skip to Level 6? He just played until Level 3 and gave up. I’m so confused by how poorly-directed all of his videos are.

The next redux recap: Bores bashes a classic game because he sucks at it. Until next time.