I’ve played Sonic Colors, and I liked it. The controls are good, there’s a good sense of speed, and the Wisps are a good addition that don’t feel intrusive or gimmicky.
Before the video, let’s look at the “update” because the actual video is only three minutes long (already a sign of quality).
Same shit. Calls us gamers, tells us he got “hundreds of e-mails and requests” for Sonic Colors to try and fool people that he has fans, then announces winners for the latest contest. I’m sure they’re so glad to have a $50 dollar MP3 player that can break easily.
On to the pain.
0:08 - 0:18: “Welcome back gamers” FROM WHAT? Was there a one month commercial break between MvC3 and this? Stop saying “welcome back”! Sorry, but it’s getting really annoying.
He goes on to say this his most requested game from fans. Ugh… you know I’ve complained about this habit of his enough. Let’s just move on.
YouTube Edit: Sprites of Sonic, Tails and Knuckles show up. Do they say anything? No. Do they do anything? Sadly yes, and you'll see what it is.
0:19 - 0:47: “The concept here is to take the daylight levels from the terrible Sonic Unleashed game and make an entire game out of those” The same Sonic Unleashed that you only played an hour of and showed that you have zero knowledge of the series.
Or maybe they just figured out how to finally make a good Sonic game. If anything I see more Super Mario Galaxy comparisons than the day stages in Unleashed.
He goes on to mention how Sonic games have been crap and blah blah blah we know this! We know Sonic hasn’t been good!
He then calls Sonic 4 a “let-down” because it didn’t do anything “refreshing” like Donkey Kong Country Returns. Ignoring that Sonic 4 came out before DKCR, can you give your thoughts on Sonic 4 or are you just listening to various forum opinions?
Bores then calls Colors “the best Sonic game in a while”. Oh good, maybe we won’t get senseless bashing.
EDIT (April 4th 2011): I can't believe I missed this contradiction! Back in IG's Sonic Unleashed video, he was complaining about Sega trying something different and that they should get back to the basics. Here he's complaining that Sonic 4 wasn't "radically refreshing" despite going back to the basics. Once again, less Irate Gamer and more Unpleaseable Dickhead.
I'd like to thank Shadsilvson11 for bringing this up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_-Wust52YY
0:48 - 1:15: “Sonic games are all about speed, speed, and more speed” Are you trying to make this a Sonic-related running gag? Because it’s not funny. Also, Sonic games are platformers that just happen to be fast. The sooner people realize this the better.
He mentions how there are both 3D and 2D stages and, I’m not kidding here, says the levels get harder later in the game. Four years, and he still doesn’t give a shit. He’s not improving at all, if he was he’d realize that EVERY GAME gets harder as it goes on and STOP SAYING THAT!
1:16 - 1:44: We cut to Bores with a large space to his right, giving away that something is going to jump into the shot. “Let’s talk about the game’s strong points” *cuts back to game* Or not… weird.
0:19 - 0:47: “The concept here is to take the daylight levels from the terrible Sonic Unleashed game and make an entire game out of those” The same Sonic Unleashed that you only played an hour of and showed that you have zero knowledge of the series.
Or maybe they just figured out how to finally make a good Sonic game. If anything I see more Super Mario Galaxy comparisons than the day stages in Unleashed.
He goes on to mention how Sonic games have been crap and blah blah blah we know this! We know Sonic hasn’t been good!
He then calls Sonic 4 a “let-down” because it didn’t do anything “refreshing” like Donkey Kong Country Returns. Ignoring that Sonic 4 came out before DKCR, can you give your thoughts on Sonic 4 or are you just listening to various forum opinions?
Bores then calls Colors “the best Sonic game in a while”. Oh good, maybe we won’t get senseless bashing.
EDIT (April 4th 2011): I can't believe I missed this contradiction! Back in IG's Sonic Unleashed video, he was complaining about Sega trying something different and that they should get back to the basics. Here he's complaining that Sonic 4 wasn't "radically refreshing" despite going back to the basics. Once again, less Irate Gamer and more Unpleaseable Dickhead.
I'd like to thank Shadsilvson11 for bringing this up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_-Wust52YY
0:48 - 1:15: “Sonic games are all about speed, speed, and more speed” Are you trying to make this a Sonic-related running gag? Because it’s not funny. Also, Sonic games are platformers that just happen to be fast. The sooner people realize this the better.
He mentions how there are both 3D and 2D stages and, I’m not kidding here, says the levels get harder later in the game. Four years, and he still doesn’t give a shit. He’s not improving at all, if he was he’d realize that EVERY GAME gets harder as it goes on and STOP SAYING THAT!
1:16 - 1:44: We cut to Bores with a large space to his right, giving away that something is going to jump into the shot. “Let’s talk about the game’s strong points” *cuts back to game* Or not… weird.
YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to Bores, Tails spin-dashes off the table. Obviously he didn't want to be in the video anymore. Bores acts surprised that Tails could do that (all Sonic characters can spin-dash).
Blah blah large number of stages blah blah Mario-style map blah blah
“There are also these wisp-type creatures” They’re called Wisps! They don’t have a different name, they’re just Wisps. Not “wisp-type creatures”.
He then shows a couple of the Wisp power-ups, and when he references the Yellow Drill he follows with “Dig-Dug, eat your heart out”. Dig-Dug has nothing to do with this, stay on-topic Bores.
1:45 - 1:58: He then praises the game’s cutscenes, saying watching them is like watching a cartoon. You hear that? That’s the sound of ravenous SatAM fanboys screaming in rage.
He also mentions that kids will like the cutscenes. You mean your fans? You don’t have any actual fans over the age of 15, stop pretending that parents watch your shit for game advice.
1:58 - 2:36: We cut back to Bores in the same shot as before, and once again nothing jumps out. Then why are you framing the shot like that? “Let’s talk about the bad” I imagine this is where it will hurt.
1:45 - 1:58: He then praises the game’s cutscenes, saying watching them is like watching a cartoon. You hear that? That’s the sound of ravenous SatAM fanboys screaming in rage.
He also mentions that kids will like the cutscenes. You mean your fans? You don’t have any actual fans over the age of 15, stop pretending that parents watch your shit for game advice.
1:58 - 2:36: We cut back to Bores in the same shot as before, and once again nothing jumps out. Then why are you framing the shot like that? “Let’s talk about the bad” I imagine this is where it will hurt.
YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to Bores moving onto the negatives, Sonic spin-dashes off the table. Ugh, more Rule of Three killing.
His first problem is that he had trouble finding Sonic during the 2D segments because of a small or non-HD TV. An HD TV won’t matter because this is the Wii, it can’t go beyond 480p.
He then complains that the only characters are Sonic and Tails. Isn’t that a good thing? I thought that’s what all the Sonic fans wanted, they wanted all his friends to go away. Strange how Bores complains about the exact opposite thing most people complained about in the previous titles. It almost seems like complaint-fishing…
He also complains that Knuckles isn’t in the game. Well, given the plot I doubt he would be in the game. Knuckles didn’t go with Sonic & Tails to Eggman’s space amusement park.
YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to him talking about Knuckles, said character spin-dashes off the table and Bores knocks it over to make it look like Knuckles broke it. I have no idea how that works, but I imagine Bores didn't put any thought into this gag other than "how can I randomly put Sonic sprites in the video?"
The video ends with Bores saying he recommends it to Sonic fans (no shit) but doesn’t know if non-fans will like it.
Oh hey, no closing “Game On” crap. Has he finally realized that attempt at a catchphrase is dumb-as-hell?
Well, I’ll admit it wasn’t as awful as the Sonic Unleashed review but I don’t see this as an improvement. He barely went in-depth with anything, the jokes were still lame, the slam towards Unleashed was unnecessary, those off-center shots in his room were bizarre, the ultra-obvious lines that didn't need explaining, and this felt rushed as hell. You’d think that his “most requested game” would get a little more effort. Oh I forgot, he doesn’t actually care for his fans.
Now to wait another 2 months before we get something from him. Goody.
UPDATE: Bores updated his site to announce the Sonic Colors review was out. He also mentioned he's now working on a "special YouTube version" with extra scenes he couldn't complete in time.
This confirms there will be awful jokes added to the YouTube version.
Also, couldn't complete in time? You have a schedule now?
The video ends with Bores saying he recommends it to Sonic fans (no shit) but doesn’t know if non-fans will like it.
Oh hey, no closing “Game On” crap. Has he finally realized that attempt at a catchphrase is dumb-as-hell?
Well, I’ll admit it wasn’t as awful as the Sonic Unleashed review but I don’t see this as an improvement. He barely went in-depth with anything, the jokes were still lame, the slam towards Unleashed was unnecessary, those off-center shots in his room were bizarre, the ultra-obvious lines that didn't need explaining, and this felt rushed as hell. You’d think that his “most requested game” would get a little more effort. Oh I forgot, he doesn’t actually care for his fans.
Now to wait another 2 months before we get something from him. Goody.
UPDATE: Bores updated his site to announce the Sonic Colors review was out. He also mentioned he's now working on a "special YouTube version" with extra scenes he couldn't complete in time.
This confirms there will be awful jokes added to the YouTube version.
Also, couldn't complete in time? You have a schedule now?
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