The Turd-Polishing Continues with the Light Rifle

Wow, this came out sooner than I thought it would. I covered Part 2, might as well cover this added bit.

Before I talk about the video, I should mention a different one he posted to GotGame. An interview about the game “Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse”. Originally filmed at this year’s E3 (I know since his blooper reel had a shot of him talking to the same representative in front of the same Family Guy sign), for some reason he decided to post it now. Not sure why since the game has been out for a couple weeks now, and has received abhorrent reviews, so I don’t see how this will build hype when there’s no longer any hype to be built.

Onto the Light Rifle video. Like the Odyssey revision, this is shorter than the original (5:19 compared to 6:35) and I imagine it will be just as stupid.

0:00 - 0:50: Wow, starting right off the bat. No intro or anything.
He brings up cards 7 and 8, then cards 9 and 10 and how they come with the Light Rifle. He once again brings up they’re hard to find and says “you’ll have to sell your soul for one”. Yep, he didn’t bother removing the Devil Bores bit, and the “sell your soul” line is just as forced.
“Sorry Satan, I already have one” It’s the same one you have since you’re just me in a mask.
“What? Well motherfucker” Okay, so he didn’t change that line. Further confusing me into what direction he wants to take his videos.
He then quickly goes over how the gun works.

0:51 - 1:52: He brings up the same “flawl” about how the rifle works if you point it any light source. That happens with light guns, even the NES ones. That’s what the light sensor in the gun is for.
This guy can explain it better than I could: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3tBk-LYyzo

IG skips over the Prehistoric Safari game and begins looking at Shootout. He does the same scene where the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly plays followed by “ACTIONY MUSIC” as IG tries to make this look cooler than it really is. Chris, if this is for the so-called “DVD”, you can’t have Ennio Morricone music. Just like how you can’t have John Williams music in the first video.
He also added banter like “Come on!” and “What else you got?!” during the shootout. When that one last guy appears, he adds an effect when he shoots him. Really, this is all the revisions have done. Rather than fixing mistakes, he adds pointless effects.

1:52 - 2:27: He proceeds to Dogfight, and makes the same mistake of calling them “Nazi aircrafts”. Again, those are bi-planes, something that was more suited for World War I. Then we get the same scene of Bores putting on a jacket, a scarf, and sunglasses while playing the game to Flight of the Valkyries, a song more suited for Vietnam (Apocalypse Now anyone?) Also, why does he have a fan going? All it’s doing is making the posters move, this isn’t making it “epic” or anything.
And he does the same joke where the dot appears over his head and he shoots it. All this wasted time and energy going into recreating bits he already did. And he wonders why he’s losing fans?

2:28 - 2:49: IG then looks at Shooting Gallery, and calls it boring (probably because he couldn’t think of a dumb sketch to along with it).
He also adds this text “Warning: Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. Hahahahaha wow, someone should add that to the beginning of all his videos. That is just the perfect warning.
Interesting to note, my Facebook informant told me that Bores said he added sight gags he couldn’t do on his old editing software. If this was one of them… that must be some ancient as hell software if you couldn’t add text to a video. *remembers the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde Princible* Or maybe it’s something else.
He then pretends to blow his brains out with the rifle. What, no falling over like you’ve done before with the NES zapper?

2:50 - 4:24: And so we come to the HAL betrays him scene. Oh joy.
Same stuff happens. HAL hits IG with the gun, HAL says “bring it bitch”, then the anticlimax where IG… merely removes the card. But this time it’s padded out to last longer and make it look like he’s actually suffering. Too bad the fake electricity is making this look really silly rather than “badass”.
“Who knew he could do all that operating on C batteries?” Hey, don’t go pointing out the plot holes in your own writing. That’s my job.

The video ends with more history. He claims the second reason the Odyssey didn’t sell was the lack of rules and point system. Noooo, the Odyssey was new, nobody knew what to expect of it. Also, I did some research and people really did think that the Odyssey would only work on Magnavox televisions, something that I thought was bullshit originally. Yet, Bores removed that little trivia from this version. Hmmm.

Then he ends the video saying that Pong is next, while holding a sprite of the ball. I don’t mean like one of his “wooden” sprites, as in he digitally put it in there. Why not just hold up a Pong console?

That was… well to quote this very video “Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. It was just boring, and I can’t really say if this is worse than the original 2B. The HAL parts were at least, especially when his HAL impression is still awful. Can’t you hire a voice actor or something? Oh wait, that would require him to pay, and actually give credit to someone.

I don’t think it’s worth e-mailing these videos to Ralph Baer, especially when he didn’t bother to fix the mistakes he made before. I just wish there was a way to contact Nolan Bushnell or Al Alcorn about the Pong videos.