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Tuesday, 7 July 2009

The Intro and Back to the Future

Posted on 15:50 by Unknown

Thanks to the advance of YouTube and Web 2.0 in general, people have found a way to post their films and videos on the Internet to a wide audience. Within these new videos was the concept of amateur video game reviews. A pioneer in this was independent filmmaker James Rolfe and his character the Angry Video Game Nerd. The concept was a bitter man in his 20s looking back at old Nintendo games and how much they sucked.


This style of review, which involved heavy expletives and bad games, became highly popular and many followed in his footsteps including Armake21, jedite1, SpoonyOne (lots of ones huh?) and UrinatingTree, all putting their own spin on this now-popular concept. However for every great idea comes a poorly made rip-off. This is where our video-by-video analysis begins.


In 2007 a mysterious reviewer named Chris Bores AKA the Irate Gamer appeared, shortly after Rolfe got an exclusive contract to GameTrailers.com. People noticed many similarities between their works including similar concepts, jokes, and even exact lines.


As quickly as Bores was labeled a rip-off he became a YouTube Partner, got his videos featured, and now makes money off an idea that wasn’t his and doesn’t give credit for it. He would get a lot more respect if he just acknowledged his inspiration instead of coming off as original.


Because of this nearly all his videos are filled with comments calling him a rip-off and his (possibly) retarded fans defending him. But most seem to forget that his videos have far more problems then stolen scripts. That’s where these break-by-break rants come in, I will label stupid moments, bad jokes, inaccurate facts, and the pointless bullshit that excretes from every video.


With a ton of videos to rip apart, let’s begin with his first review of the NES trash Back to the Future. Just for future reference, this game was reviewed by the AVGN back in 2006.


0:00 – 0:16: The review starts with Chris Bores watching Back to the Future in a movie theater. I didn’t know theaters in 2007 still showed Back to the Future.


0:25: “Now it’s time to pop this video game in and play the game” Rule of script-writing: Using a noun twice in the same sentence is very poor and shows a lack of effort.


0:51 – 1:07: Now he’s listing off the enemies and how “weird” they are. He lists ALL the enemies in a very boring monotone voice. I’m only a minute in and I’m falling asleep, this will be fun.


1:10 – 1:18: “What are two delivery men doing in the middle of the street? Can you say lawsuit” That’s the extent of Irate Gamer’s jokes people, it only gets worse from here.


1:19 – 1:45: He starts ranting on the bees and how there’s too many of them. He wonders where they came from and shows a photoshopped poster for “Back to the Future 0: Marty vs. the Bees.” Learn to end your jokes; overly long gags are rarely funny.


2:44 – 3:08: He comments on why Marty is wearing a “black sleeveless shirt” and it should be red AS HE COLORS IN THE PHOTO! Yes because we needed to know what the color red was you jackass. Then he drags on the point by showing posters and footage. I’m sure everyone that’s seen your video has seen Back to the Future.


3:10 – 3:32: He reiterates his point about the game being nothing like the movie and suggesting Marty gets a gun. Then he uses terrible CG to show Marty firing a rocket launcher at the obstacles on screen. Again, learn to end your jokes or don’t tell them at all (because this wasn’t funny).


4:25 – 4:35: After explaining how to do the bar level he complains that the bullies come out at a faster speed with more at a time. You mean they’re trying to make the game a challenge? Oh my God! A game with challenge! Call Fisher-Price we can’t have that!


4:57 – 5:22: When he says the player has to hit 50 bullies to advance he starts comparing that number to other games that have nothing to do with Back to the Future, and I quote “There aren’t even 50 levels in the game of Super Mario Bros, there aren’t even 50 weapons in the game of Legend of Zelda, there aren’t even 50 stage bosses in Mega Man 1-6 combined.” That’s a terrible comparison. If you’re going to do one, say “The running stages are like Paperboy if you break the controls” but I’m sure he never heard of Paperboy at that point.


5:32 – 5:42: “This game is so bad it makes every movie Mariah Carey made look like a masterpiece.” Hey do you remember that bit in Back to the Future when Mariah Carey strutted out and sang to Marty and Doc? No? That’s because it didn’t happen and the analogy is bad. Then he says he’ll go back in time and prevent it from ever being made, how original.


The review ends with IG going back in time in his 4-Door Sedan (must have been the scrapped model in the first draft of the movie script), goes to LJN’s office in 1987 and shoots the CEO (which is him in a wig). Doing so erases him from existence (hooray no more videos!) but it returns to the present showing Bores playing Adventures in the Magic Kingdom and contemplating why there wasn’t a Back to the Future game (get it he altered the timeline and… screw it).


So what’s wrong with Back to the Future? Well it’s not like the movie, the music never ends, and the bar level is impossible. How are the controls? I don’t know. What about the graphics? Well his shirt is black does that count?


So yes, the Irate Gamer had a horrible start but first reviews suck either way. There’s room for improvement right? Oh ho ho ho this is only the beginning folks. Next time I’ll break down his Where’s Waldo and Goonies II reviews. The descent into madness has only started.
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      • The Hulk, More Buttsex, and THE WORST GAME EVER
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      • The Intro and Back to the Future
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