By Popular Demand: The Robocop Review

Well I’ve been putting this one off for a while but by request I will do Irate Gamer’s Robocop review, rather SWAG and Irate Gamer’s Robocop review.

Since both of them talk in the review, I’ll point out in each time lapse the person talking.

0:17 – 0:55: SWAG starts out here. He talks about Robocop being popular and the good Arcade title developed by Ocean Software and how they fucked up by giving Data East the rights to publish the NES version.

Actually Ocean never developed it, they acquired the rights with Data East asking for permission to make the games. DE made both the Arcade and NES versions. Did Bores help you with the research?

0:56 – 1:19: IG begins talking. Notice how SWAG sounds civilized but Bores sounds like a caveman?

He points out the opening cut scene with Robocop shooting a gun but all you do in the game is punch, and without explanation to why this punch is horrible. Then he delves into the same “lack of story bullshit” once again showing that he’s not a gamer.

1:19 – 1:36: SWAG agrees with the lack of story (guh?) and you should start out as Alex Murphy and follow the movie’s plot. He acknowledges the BRUTALLY violent gunning down scene but they should have found a way to tone it down.

Are you aware of Nintendo’s censorship polices? In fact the original movie scene was so violent they had to constantly tone it down for an acceptable R rating, you can find the uncut version on YouTube.

1:37 – 2:11: IG starts up again. He points out the 8-Bit rendition of the movie’s theme and how it sucks. Then he acknowledges that 8-Bit software has limitations… wait what? He finally acknowledges that NES games have limited software despite his whiny rant in the TMNT review about the NES port of the Arcade game sucking the big one?

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *static*

Then he compares the two themes and that it’s the only music you’ll hear throughout the entire game.

2:12 – 2:32: SWAG points out the strange sounds the dogs make, the fact that Robocop is even fighting dogs (“this didn’t happen in the movie!”) and makes a cringing joke about calling PETA. Did Bores write your jokes as well?

2:32 – 2:59: IG wonders who the first boss is since he’s bigger then Robocop and deflects bullets (rule of movie-based games, there will be bosses that weren’t in the movie DUH). Then asks why you have to kill the second boss by punching him instead of shooting him. A user named “vnisanian2001” pointed out you CAN shoot him to death, so once again Bores lied.

3:00 – 3:30: SWAG shows the bonus FPS stages but comments they were an afterthought, and the game’s lack of replay value saying if you beat it once you can do it again in less then 30 minutes. Holy crap actual points about the game! Oh wait this is SWAG talking not Bores… never mind then.

3:31 – 3:58: IG says the only fun parts of the game are fighting ED-209 (he pronounces it wrong spelling out ED and not saying it) but whines that the animation sucks and he can do better. THEN DO BETTER YOU DOUCHE! I’d like to see you make an 8-Bit video game oh that’s right you can’t!

He continues whining that the ending was “anticlimatic” (seriously that’s how he pronounced it) and the “See You Again” credit is bullshit (why?)

3:59 – 4:09: SWAG asks if we blame Data East or Ocean, I’m not sure what the point of this question was…

So the video ends with Bores announcing that someone needs to pay, so he takes out a laptop and “activates” Robocop. We cut to SWAG covered in Tinfoil, apparently this is the best Robocop costume he could get. TinfoilCop mentions his third objective is to “Destroy Makers of Shitty Video Games” Was this an unused plotline from Robocop 3 or something?

Bores orders him to destroy Ocean and shows off his acting talent by shouting “Yes Yes” and waving his arms around, this is just painful and shameful rolled into one. TinfoilCop walks to a nearby beach to “destroy ocean”, he says the famous line “Your Move Creep” and starts getting swept away because “the ocean is too strong.” Bores then gets an idea and orders him to destroy R&B Singer Billy Ocean. Why? So we can see TinfoilCop walk across an extremely unconvincing green screen backdrop!

This review sucked ass. The credits did mention that Bores co-wrote which explains the lame jokes and lack of research.

I don’t know SWAG seems like an intelligent guy how could he fall for Bores’ bullcrap?

Now to just wait for Bores to release another video, until that time Stay Brutal My Readers.