Diving Into Hell to Face Diablo III

Seems I was wrong about Swap Force being the next review, and yet I was right about a Diablo III review happening at some point.

One can argue that the console version of Diablo III is better than the PC version, simply for having conveniences that in this day & age are almost considered luxuries. No online connection required? Check. Local multiplayer? Check (PC version has no LAN). No broken auction house? Check. An offline mode is a pretty big deal considering the online DRM caused major shitstorms when the PC version was released last year.

So now to see Bores attempt to review it. Will it show effort like the Disney Infinity review? Well, it’s not an action figure game, and the video is only two and a half minutes long… this is probably going to blow.

What’s interesting is that he calls it a “Multiplayer review”. Does Bores actually go online? I’m aware Diablo III Console has local multiplayer, but we know Bores has no friends to play with so online is his only option really.

Intro

0:05 - 0:12: IG says he’s going to check out Diablo III on PS3. Is it me, or is the game still in the plastic? There’s a reflection off it that tells me he didn’t unwrap it. Did he actually play it?

0:12 - 0:30: He mentions that this was released on the PC “months before” (try one year and four months) and that he feels he doesn’t need to explain the story or worlds because “it’s all been said and done”. No Chris, this is the first time you’ve talked about Diablo III, it’s your job to elaborate on important details like that. Don’t cop out and give lazy excuses.

0:31 - 0:54: He notes one main difference is how you “arm your equipment” and he read online that people found it confusing, but he felt right at home. *looks at equipping* That looks pretty counter-intuitive, wouldn’t it be easier to have something like Deus Ex: HR or Resident Evil 4? Where you can pause and see everything in your inventory instead of switching things around? “I still don’t see how you can make this easier” Like I said…

He also mentions that the “buttons are easy to figure out” and that was also a common complaint he heard online. He believes these people are “too used to the PC version”. Where are you reading these complaints by the way? You say you “read them online” but you don’t cite your sources.

0:55 - 1:22:  It then cuts to IG telling us that he remembers playing the first Diablo on the PlayStation 1, and then calls it a piece of shit. So your first experience with Diablo is a notoriously terrible port? Then why are you a fan of the series? You haven’t said anything about playing Diablo or Diablo II on PC, and you said at E3 that you purposely avoided Diablo III because you “knew” the console version was coming. What if there was no console version? You avoid PC gaming but somehow you’re a fan of Diablo. What are you going on about?

He says the controls are better here. Going to mention how they changed them from constantly clicking to more like an action game a/la God of War? Or how they added the ability to dodge attacks?
He then says the controls failed on him when he got “gang banged by a horde of zombies”. It shows him dying, then cuts to him giving a stupid face and face palming. Is that meant to be frustration? It looks more like you’re taking a huge dump. I’m sorry, I don’t like resorting to toilet humor but he’s not making it easy. He really does look like he’s constantly taking a dump when trying to be angry or frustrated.

1:22 - 1:57: IG begins talking about the multiplayer. He says that since the original TMNT arcade game, he’s a big fan of four player co-op. Then he mentions that one amazing feature is that players can join in at any time. You don’t play online much do you? That’s a pretty common thing now.
He then brings up how friends could betray you can take all your loot. Wait, did the console version re-add player killing? Because I’m reading that PvP is only allowed if both parties agree to it.
Then… *sighs* Out of nowhere the Evil Gamer appears and starts insulting IG, who does… nothing. Why? Why was this needed? Isn’t Evil Gamer meant to be somewhere else? Why are you playing with him? Is this in continuity with your stupid storyline? Are you ever going to address the Order Up review? Why aren’t you playing with your other characters? Why am I even asking all this? Your sketches are fucking stupid!

Onto his rating. What happened to final verdict?
He said it’s a good game, and if you’ve played the PC version, then only check it out for multiplayer since “that’s the only new thing”. Wrong. You can play offline (a big improvement over the PC version), and there’s no broken auction house. You should do some damn research since you claim to be such a fan. Hell, I’ve never played Diablo, and I did research.

Review was lame, as per usual.
Very little was actually explained about the game, and I really do question if he’s a fan of the series or not. I imagine the laziness comes from the fact the review came out three days after the game did, and we know how well those go.

I have no idea what will happen next.