IG Attempts the News: Attention Defi- Ooh 80's!

Last week on “I’m spending so much of GotGame’s money and I don’t care”
No, stop, come back, I have video game news! See, look I’m talking about South Park The Stick of Truth! Now that I have your attention, NOSTALGIA! Wait, where are you going?

What will this week bring?

Stories from September 30th 2013

“Pokemon – Real Life Photoshopped Versions”

We start the week off with- wait. Haven’t I seen these before? *searches around* No wait, those were different “Real Life Pokemon” pictures. Man, how many times are people going to do the same thing?

I guess I won’t call ultra-old news… this time.
Still, Bores talking about Pokemon is so weird. Just like when he talks about GTA V.

“Game Boy Handheld Hard-Shell Carry On Luggage”

Okay no, that suitcase is just stupid. I mean really.

“Want to travel in style?” A very strange definition of “style”.

Oh, this suitcase is from ThinkGeek. Does that mean this post is a paid advertisement, or just more random garbage to fill space?

“Chuck Norris vs Super Mario Bros. Video Game”

… What year is it? Why are we still making Chuck Norris jokes? I mean really?

It’s another “cool video” post, but here’s a couple things about it. First of all, the video was posted LAST YEAR! This is old. Second, this is a video by Dane Boe (the guy behind The Annoying Orange), except he didn’t post Dane’s version, but a mirror of it that someone else uploaded. You could at least try to find the original!
Also, Dane Boe isn’t off the hook for making a Chuck Norris joke in 2012, he still deserves derision. That and creating The Annoying Orange. Bleh.

Stories from October 1st 2013

“Wii U Huge Freakin 700MB Update! Play Wii Titles on Gamepad Now”

Oh hey, actual video game news that’s current. Sounds like someone’s learning.

He brings up the new ability to display Wii games on the Game Pad, but the inability to actually play them on the Game Pad, and he says…
“WHAT!! GIVE ME A BREAK NELL CARTER!” … What?
I looked up who Nell Carter is, and she was a singer/actress that was best known for a sitcom she did in the 80’s called “Gimme a Break“. Why this reference? Even by “nostalgia” standards this is pointless. Do you really think your 12 year old fans would get that? How is it you can’t report simple news without sounding like a Seth McFarlane reject?

Other stories:
“Wonder Woman – New Impressive Fan Made Trailer”
“Video Game Character Facebook Profiles”

Stories from October 2nd 2013

“Breaking Bad – Walter White Appears in Animal Crossing?”

“Not sure how Walter got into this game,” Because somebody made a Walter White Mii and started a new game with him? It’s not that hard to figure out.
“but there he is, complete with Meth lab and bunny partner… bunny partner? Wait a minute, something doesn’t seem right here….” All the other citizens in the game are animals, you couldn’t exactly get a human partner.

You know, this is the only time he’s ever talked about Animal Crossing, and it’s related to Breaking Bad. Maybe if you actually played the game you wouldn’t look and sound like a compete dumbass?

“World of Warcraft Legendary Pictures Movie Hits Theaters 2015”

God damn, 2015 is crowded.

“Well it looks like Video Game movies might finally be reigning supreme finally after years of not being taken seriously.” Not even close. Considering Paul W.S. Anderson’s Resident Evil movies are still being made, video game adaptations have a LONG way to go before being taken seriously.
“With Assassins Creed and more coming to the big screen” More? Like what? *looks up list http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_based_on_video_games#International* Yeah… I doubt any of these will be good. Just because Fassbender is attached to Assassin’s Creed doesn’t mean it will be good *cough*Prometheus*cough*.
“Here’s hoping for a Diablo movie soon after!” Let’s not go that direction.

“NASA Creates First Cloud Map of Exoplanet, Kepler-7b”

Who the hell cares? Do you really think your fans reading this want to hear about far off planets we’ll never reach in our lifetime? No.

He notes that the planet is bigger than Jupiter and says… this.
“I don’t know about you but I have the strangest feeling to go out to the driving range and hit a bucket of golf balls right about now” … That’s just you. Weirdo.

“Super Mario 3D World – Offering a Smorgasboard of New Power-Ups”

Bores went a different direction for this article, writing a line or two after a picture instead of one big paragraph.

“and it is power packed with new power ups!” Is he being repetitive to try and be “cute”? Or is he really that dumb?

“and a Mario duplicator item?! Whoa! Now you can play as 3 Mario’s at once?! Taking a page from Calvin and Hobbes!” Really? Calvin & Hobbes is the first thing your mind goes to when you think clones? Man, you need a wider reference pool.

“Guess we’ll be seeing her in Mario Kart WiiU.” He’s referring to the new damsel in distress for 3D World. Don’t get your hopes up. Also, it’s called “Mario Kart 8”, but you don’t give a fuck so why bother explaining.

Stories from October 3rd 2013

“Street Fighter Vs. Plants vs. Zombies Video Game Mashup”

Oh yay, another video he found.

“What do you get when you combine Street Fighter with Plants vs Zombies? Yeah I don’t know either. I just woke up.” Get it? Because he’s… tired I think. These jokes are so lame.

“Simpsons producers to kill off main character this season”

“Well looks like another character will be getting the heave ho.” You say that when they plan to kick off a character, not kill them off. Insensitive much?
“Is this another ratings grab? A cry for attention?” Yes. I don’t think you realize how irrelevant the Simpsons are these days. Hence why they do shit like the “Homer Shake” or episodes that parody “The Social Network” and “Homeland” (the former being two years late). Hell, the whole “Ned and Edna” pairing got a Facebook campaign. They’re that desperate for ratings.

“I’ve watched off an on over the years that I just found out that Fat Tony was killed off a few seasons ago.” But then it was reversed with the mother of all ass-pulls. Fat Tony had an identical cousin named Fit Tony who decides to take over the Springfield Mafia, but the stress of it causes him to eat constantly turning him into the new Fat Tony. It’s near the top of my “Worst Simpsons Episodes Ever”.

“Hmm who could it be? Jasper? Hans Moleman? Homers brother Herb?” No, Moleman dying is a running gag, and absolutely not. Especially not Herb as he had a cameo recently that revealed he’s poor again. He wasn’t even on screen, it was literally phoned in.

Then a random picture of monkeys fighting from The Simpsons. Whatever…

“Adventure Time – Impressive Homemade BMO Beemo Teapot”

No! No! You stay away from Adventure Time! It’s bad enough you talk about Doctor Who, I don’t need you bringing up this show!

“I watch adventure time randomly with the kids” You mean your girlfriend’s kids? Quit acting like they’re “yours” unless you’re actually the father. At least he claims not to be a fan… yet.

“Don’t ask me how you even begin to make these things because I have no clue.” Why do people do anything? Probably boredom, probably flashes of creativity, yet all initiative. Which you seem to lack considering you barely make videos now.
“I’m just a blog poster for cryin out loud.” I thought you were a film maker? Or was it a ghost hunter? Gamer? You don’t know what you are, do you?

“Legend of Zelda – Impressive Realism Link Painting”

“Pop Culture is definitely reflected in the art these days.” It’s like Bores is discovering fan art for the first time. Seriously, how big was that rock?

“I can’t even begin to know which fairy this is since they’ve probably changed her name a dozen times over the years” … There were three, and they were all different. Navi in Ocarina of Time, Tatl in Majora’s Mask, and Ciela in Phantom Hourglass. Every other game post-Ocarina had someone different. The King of Red Lions, Ezlo, Midna, Fi, and whoever will be the companion in the Wii U game. A Link Between Worlds seems to have a fairy, but we don’t know all the details so… we’ll see.

“another fantastic picture of a rodent destroying the city!” Are you sure this is Zelda related? I mean, it’s the same artist but the logo in the corner says “Legend of the Cryptids”. *looks up dA page* The title is “Groundhog Day”, so I don’t know where you got the idea that this is Zelda related. Are you pointing to the bridge?

There’s also a third picture of some fish looking humanoid using camouflage. Looking up his page, it’s also unrelated to Zelda. So, you found a cool picture of Link, then looked through this guy’s page to find other stuff but couldn’t find anything Zelda related so you picked two pictures at random. And now we know why videos never come out.

Stories from October 4th 2013

“Simpsons TreeHouse of Horror – Guillermo del Toro-y Opening”

By that title, Bores seems to think it’s a couch gag done in the style of Guillermo del Toro. Had he done his research, or even bothered to look at the title of the video, he would know that del Toro himself actually directed it. But research is haaaaard!

“Probably the best thing to come out of the Simpsons in the last couple of year.” Wow, your concept of time is just degrading more and more.

“Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds – Gets Further away from Original”

*reads through* Oh… this is pain.

“I got some hands on time with this title at E3” Take a shot.
“Link to the Past is my all-time favorite Zelda Game.” Sure it is, and your ass can talk to spirits and demons. Whatever you say.
“This was supposed to be an update to that game” No it wasn’t! It’s a sequel set in the same world! This isn’t like Ocarina of Time 3D or Wind Waker HD, it’s a completely new game. They even said that it’s not the same Link from A Link to the Past.
“but I felt all the changes might make this not for the better.” Like what exactly? I don’t know, he doesn’t say what bothers him. He just leaves a video and expects us to take his word for it.

Personally, I like that they’re doing something different. I like the idea that all items are available from the start and you get them by buying them, and you can rent them for a few limited uses. I like that the dungeons are in a non-linear progression, just like the very first game. There are people that complain “Zelda has been the same game since Ocarina of Time”, that’s a very uninformed opinion said by morons (like Egoraptor), but the fact is, they’re trying something different. Chris’ idea of change isn’t “new ideas or gameplay”, it’s “BLOOD AND BOOBIES HUR HUR”. Urgh.

“Megaman (Mighty No. 9) Title biggest Kickstarter Video Game in History”

*headdesk headdesk headdesk* Chris you moron! Mighty No. 9 is not a Mega Man game! It’s a brand new IP that is similar, and headed by Keiji Inafune, but it is NOT Mega Man. That is not Rock, that is Beck, and Capcom has absolutely nothing to do with this game. Capcom owns Mega Man, and others are only allowed to use it with their permission. Mighty No. 9 is a brand new, unrelated character that Inafune and his company can do anything they want with it.

“The recent Mega Man Kickstarter campaign called Mighty No. 9 recently closed and clocked in so much money that somebody at Capcom is sure to get fired.” Why would someone at Capcom get fired? I don’t think they care, especially since they stopped making Mega Man games.
Also, too soon Chris! Capcom Europe just had to lay off 50% of their employees! Not that you would know or care since you obviously don’t read video game news until it’s too late, or people post it on your Facebook.

“My jury is still out on what I think of Kickstarter” Pretty sure your stupid parody said it all… at least until you start your own after your ghost movie flops because you poured your ENTIRE BANK ACCOUNT into it!
“I can’t remember how many Megaman games Capcom has scrapped over the years” So you’re aware that Capcom is screwing over Mega Man, maybe you should put two and two together and realize that Capcom has zero involvement in this and it’s NOT MEGA MAN?!
“but this has gotta be shocking to everyone over there trying to push all this Lost Planet stuff on us.” Really? Of all the bullshit Capcom tries to pull, you point to Lost Planet? They’ve done far worse in the past few years! On-disc DLC, Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 only a few months after the vanilla version, Street Fighter x Tekken being broken, the Devil May Cry reboot, Resident Evil 6 being a massive piece of shit, Ace Attorney 5 being digital only, Breath of Fire 6 being a terrible iOS MMO, Deep Down being F2P. Capcom has way more sins than fucking Lost Planet!

By the way, Mighty No. 9 is not the biggest video game Kickstarter in history. That would be Ouya… and we all know how that turned out.

“TRON – Own a Street Legal Light Cycle for $55,000”

… Why?

“They don’t offer them anymore, but I’m sure you could pick one up on craigslist if you beg profusely!” So are you for or against begging? Make up your mind!

Other stories:
“Simpsons: Tapped Out App – Halloween Update Today”
“McDonaldland – Creepy Halloween Custom Figures”

That’s all for this week.
I swear, Bores really needs to learn how to pay attention.

No videos this week again, no surprise there.
Next Saturday is the premiere of “Pursuit of the Paranormal” in Ohio. I can’t imagine that too many people would show up. Especially since Pokemon X/Y comes out the same day. Nice planning Bores.